A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey I’m Jon 18 years old. This questions actually about my older brother he had a baby girl "Chloe" with his ex wife 2 years ago and broke up with her about a year ago (I'm not sure of the details my brother normally goes to his friends not family for emotional support) his ex has got a new boy friend of 8 months, they always act lovely dovey in front of my family and Chloe has been calling the new boyfriend daddy and his I can see that it’s really hurting my brother even if he try’s to hide it. I think that he must still love her and of course loves his baby girl, and really I think it's making him feel like he isn’t needed at all like a third wheel on there “happy family”. It's breaking him apart and I'm not sure what I can do, I've also asked his friends if he said anything about feeling down and they replied in a negative. I’m really not sure what to do so if anyone’s been in a similar situation and has any advice I could maybe pass on to him or any way in help him out that would be great.
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female
reader, AlohaServedDaily  +, writes (21 November 2008):
 I totally understand your situation, my brother who is 21 has a son aidan who is gonna be 2 in january. his ex-girlfriend the babys mom barely lets my brother see his son. maybe twice a month i think its because shes really bitter and mad at him still and its been over a year since they broke up. so my nephew aidan barely sees my brother. i know she has a new boyfriend and they both live with this guy so im afraid that aidan will recognize the new boyfriend as 'daddy'. My brother was always really soft spoken and wont say what he feels and definately wont say anything to his babys mama and I'm a very concerned sister, just talk to your brother and reassure him that no matter what, he is and will always be Chloe's daddy. I hope everything works out.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): Thanks for the quick Responses, my brothers never been to forward he defiantly wont want to get into an argument over it, my ex sister in law has been really good about letting him see her I think because she never had a dad growing up and I don’t think he wants to risk her not allowing him to see her it takes a lot of time and effort through courts to get permission to see your child in the UK I’m not sure if it’s the same in the USA. Ill think about how to approach the situation I think I’ve been beating around the bat by not talking to him afraid that talking to him directly might scare him or get him angry “all my feelings are all assumptions so I could be completely off” ill think about how to approach him thanks for your time.
Oh and yes me and my brothers (got a little one as well) get on really well money was tight and my parents were forced to worked a lot to make ends meet and what not when we were growing up so it was him raising us most of the time.
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (19 November 2008):
 I love your concern for your brother. Sounds like a tightly knit family. Have you gone to your brother and told him that you are always available to talk to if he is feeling down? Does your brother have his daughter a good portion of the time? Usually, kids won't call anyone anything unless someone else has called them something first. Her mom has probably made it clear that her new boyfriend is "daddy".
The thing is, if your brother isnt bothered by it, you probably shouldnt either. It is up to your brother to stand up and say "wait a minute here, I am that little girls daddy, and I am her only daddy!" If it bothers him, he needs to talk with his ex about stepping over the boundries with their daughter. I don't tell my son to call my new husband "daddy", because he isnt. My son has a father (and even though he is a crappy father, he is still his dad). I don't believe it is a good thing to confuse a child with too many "daddies" or "mommies". If my son's father was no longer
in the picture and my son (now 6 years old) wanted to call my husband "daddy", I would let him. Most of the time, baby's mamas tell their young children to call the new boyfriend "daddy" just to irritate the real father. It is really a shame, because there is a good chance that boyfriend won't stick around, and the child will have to go through the devistation of losing another "daddy". Pretty selfish! Talk to your brother, let him know you are there to hear him out, and that you understand if he is feeling down.
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A
male
reader, blazee +, writes (19 November 2008):
 Talk to him, make him realise that no matter what, he is that girl's father, dosnt matter how much another man might be there, he can never take that away from your brother. This other guy can walk away at any minute, he cant, also if you still think he has feelings for his ex get him to talk to her about it. If theyve been married and had a kid toghether chances are feelings r still around for both of them. obviouslly i dont know how bad the break up was, but theres a chance she could feel the same.
last thing, if he wants his daughter to acknowledge him more and he wants to feel like a part of her life tell him to make sure she feels loved eveytime he is over there, and not to care about wqeather hes imposing on his ex wife's relationship. this is him and his daughter, she will just have to deal with it.
good luck with this, hope your brother does ok
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A
female
reader, blackroses2989 +, writes (19 November 2008):
 Do you think its possible that he would be able to talk about it with her? That seems like it would really hurt him, but if she insists on having Chloe call her new boyfriend daddy or something like it would she be able to call your brother something else? In my opinion I think his ex should really stress that your brother is daddy and have her call her new bf either his name or the first letter of his name, or even an alternative like pa. pop. pr da, or something. I'm so sorry your brother is in that situation. It's very hard to solve unless he can actually talk to his ex about it. I hope he does. The best wishes to your brother and his daughter.
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