A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've only been dating this guy for a month but we've completely hit it off, we spend every waking moment together and we're pretty fond of each other. I've met his family and friends and they have welcomed me and vice versa. He had a one night stand with a girl 4months ago, she found him on facebook today and messaged him to say shes pregnant. He told her about us etc, she said she doesnt want to be with him and wouldnt do anything to split us up but shes giving him the choice to be a father to the baby, which he wants to do. His family gave him a big lecture but will support him. When he told me he cried his eyes out and was petrified i was going to leave him. Im pretty calm about the whole thing however am i setting myself up for hell? I read all the messages from her and she seems genuine, but isit going to backfire when the baby is born?
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female
reader, kalykush +, writes (22 November 2010):
 to be honest with you i agree although it can happen i highly doubt this baby is from a one night stand. and if it is...who's to say it's even his? i'd tell him toe get a paternity test ... not to insult the said to be mother but as a precaution. why support a child for 18+ years and then find out ooops its not his?
2nd... babies change people forever... sometimes for the better sometimes for the worse... he may fall in love with this other girl simply because she is carrying his child...
if you've only been together for a month you cant rely on ur clamness now. youre still in that "honey moon phase" ... i'd stick around but id be very careful and very guarded. dont fall in love with him until after you see what happens when the baby is born.
good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): Yes! First of all, I doubt it was a one night stand. Even though it can happened, I think its highly unlikely. Its going to change your relationship. It may not "backfire" but it will change. I think you are still young. Keep your options open and take it one day at a time, because even though she may not want to split you up she may not want you around her baby or babysitting or mothering her child, she may see you as a threat. And he is going to be attached to this baby for the rest of his life. Give it some time and see how it is 6 months into this relationship. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (22 November 2010):
 There's no telling until you experience your relationship when this baby is born. I will tell you that he's not going to have a lot of time for you since he's going to be helping take care of a newborn. So your relationship will suffer a bit. She doesn't sound like one of those crazy baby mamas that start drama..but as soon as she does then I would opt out of that relationship real fast. That's not something you want to get caught up in. I say stay and deal with his baggage for now, (if it's for you) but tread lightly.
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (22 November 2010):
It all depends on what you can deal with. Are you okay with being with somebody that has a child with someone else? That he will be financially supporting the baby for 18 years? That he will be spending time with and have somebody that he has to answer to before you? If you are, then you might be okay. Also, he will be involved with his ex (have to talk to her and see her on a fairly regular basis).
So far, from what he says, she seems to be okay and maybe they can have a civil relationship, with no added drama. But even without the extra drama you hear about, being with someone who has a kid is tough. It means that his biggest commitment will have to be to someone else. And if you intend to stay with him, that kid will be in your life too. It's something to really think about, since you've only been together for a month and if you have to get out, this is probably a good time to do it.
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