A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why do I feel this way? I'm I overreacting?So my boyfriend is on holiday and he's staying with his friend and he has a female roomate.We were talking and I asked how the girl is. He said they get on really well. They went shopping together.I asked if she's pretty and he said yeah she's gorgeous, she's very slim and so pretty. I asked if he fancies her and he said don't be silly and changed the subject.Now I don't know how I feel. He likes slim girls all his exesare slim but I'm curvy. But friends and other guys say I'm sexy with big boobs and nice curves but I don't think my bf likes my body.I suffer from under active Thyriod so I'm not slim. I've been going to the gym and dieting. But I don't feel confident about my body. My ex bf made a comment on twitter when we were together and said he knows a few girls that have better bodies than his gf (me) and he tagged them in the post.
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (13 January 2014):
 First of all, you are taking synthroid, right? If you have thyroid issues, you're taking the thyroid supplement to raise metabolism?
Second of all, you should go see a dietitian to assess your metabolism and get help choosing a menu to crank it up. How often do you eat breakfast? How often do you snack or graze? *When* are you exercising and what are you doing?? It's not about being on a "diet". It's about learning how to eat in order to get maximum energy, lower the body's fat-storing stuff, and to fuel those workouts.
Also, when you are working out, how much WEIGHT training are you doing? You should incorporate it into your workouts because muscle raises metabolism. Just doing cardio is good, but imagine burning much more energy while you're at rest due to the muscles. No you won't look like She-Ra Princess of Power, but you will feel incredible.
The other wise aunts have given you good relationship advice, but I know that if you upped your health and wellness, all of this stuff would help your issue anyways!
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (13 January 2014):
 I misread this and thought it was your current boyfriend who made the remark.
OP, don't set yourself and your boyfriend up by asking if another woman is pretty. Your boyfriend knows why you're asking so it just makes you look insecure and gives him power over you (whether he uses it or not to be determined by character but you shouldn't give it to him just the same).
People can become more attractive just because of how they carry themselves. Surely you've known people who have had crushes on someone and you couldn't figure out why, right? It's not always about looks.
We all have an ideal, but that doesn't mean anyone who doesn't match that ideal is somehow sub par.
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A
female
reader, cgrlygo +, writes (13 January 2014):
 your ex gave you a confidence issue... not this guy... he changed the subject because he's with you... there will always be better looking better boobs... etc.... low confidence is way more unattractive than curves. ... this issue really lies with you sweetie... you have low confidence...about YOUR body.. he digs it... that's why he's with you.. he was honest... their hot..etc... if you want to change how you look... (dieting is not the way ) eating healthy and the right amount of exercise is.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (13 January 2014):
I hope you tagged him with a frying pan. In all seriousness, OP, this really is a dumpable offense. What he did was so completely disrespectful it defies belief. To show you this kind of disrespect is bad enough, but to do it for all to see is beyond the pale. You can either put him in his place, and expect to continue putting him in his place from now on (because he will do stuff like this again if he sees he's gotten away with it once) or you can leave him and find someone far better. Whatever good deeds he's done in the past don't make up for this recent outrage.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 January 2014):
 He could have lied to make YOU feel better. Until you saw pictures.
You are going to have to realize that there will ALWAYS be a girl who is skinnier or smarter or prettier then you. And that is OK. Your BF isn't DATING them, he is dating YOU.
You also have to realize that a guy (and girls too) don't go blind when they are dating someone or married. They still notice attractive people. Doesn't mean they can't control their urges to reproduce. Or have problems staying faithful.
You ex was a douche who probably said that to keep you feeling GRATEFUL for dating you.
If your BF hated your body that much he wouldn't date you. I think it's YOU that have the issues with YOUR body not him. I think he knew he put his foot in his mouth when you started to give him the 3rd degree. That is why he didn't answer the "do you fancy her?" because no matter what he says, you wouldn't believe him. It's one of those can't win situations.
Learn to LOVE yourself as you are. Going to the gym is good. ACCEPT that you might never be a size 0 (then again who the heck is? size 0 is not even natural!!)
He isn't going to cheat because the friend's room is cute or pretty or skinny.
Have some trust in your man and some FAITH in yourself.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (13 January 2014):
 If they went grocery shopping like milk and pizza to share among his roommates then I wouldn't be pissed. When you asked if he fancied her, this is a shit test. You shouldn't ask anything you don't want the answer to. He didn't like those kinds of questions so he deliberately targeted your insecurity as pay back. All he needed to say was yes she was pretty. But no he had to emphasize the slim part, as if he knew that was what you were getting into.
I don't know many man who doesn't like a curvy body. Except if the guy is very skinny himself he would prefer a girl even skinnier. I think proportionally a guy should weigh at least 30 pounds than a girl. It's not that you are not sexy. Some couples see beyond the physical characteristics but obviously this is a big deal for you and him. I don't think you are inadequate. It could be that he feels more manly with a smaller girl. I understand this because I prefer my guy to be a lot heavier than me, although I have no problems being with a skinny guy. Provided that he has a good body image and healthy.
Your ex is the reason you have this insecurity. His comments on twitter was stupid. You have a good body. Maybe he wrote those comments because he was insecure himself and wanted to bring you down?
Never change a thing or doubt yourself for any guy. Let's say you lost 30 pounds for your boyfriend and then you broke up. The next guy likes heavy girls. Are you going to put the weight back on just like that? Be proud of your body. It's take it or leave it.
If it is a verifiable fact that he doesn't like your body then you shouldn't be together. There will always be better looking people than you. You don't have to be the best but at least he should be physically attracted to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2014): Will you be able to handle any relationship ever, where a man may make a slip, and say another woman is pretty?
Will this always mean you're inadequate somehow in comparison to all slim and attractive women on this earth?
Is it a verifiable fact, that you are automatically inferior in looks and stature, to any slim and attractive woman that your boyfriend may happen to see?
Is your boyfriend an Adonis, and a perfect specimen of manhood?
Is it possible that he has his choice of any attractive female within his peripheral vision? Is he so hot, that no woman can resist him?
In order for you to justify how you feel about yourself, I think he has got to be one truly hot number? Totally irresistible.
Let's get things back into perspective.
Your guy went shopping with some female he just met.
Now be pissed off. That's a good reason.
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