A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I recently found out the man I've been sleeping with for 3 yrs was sleeping with another women. We weren't BR/GF we were FWB. Needless to say when I found out I blew upa nd said very hateful things to him. I apologised afterwards and have left several messages for him to call me to let me know if what we had is still there or I need to move on. I care very much for this man and don't want to lose the friendship if we never sleep together again. Do you feel that maybe one day he will try to contact me?
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female
reader, speedcat +, writes (18 February 2008):
wow im sorry but advice of the others was pretty harsh!! Sometimes we get in situations that "get outta hand", it doesn't make you a bad person. sometimes we can't help our feelings or stop them, women especially. Men (not all) seem to have an easier time letting go, especially in a purely sexual relationship. You have a hard time seperating your feelings dont beat yourself up over it, but however maybe you should move on, because him not even having the respect to call you back after three years(sexual or not)well he doesn't seem worth the effort. Go meet someone new. good luck.
A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (17 February 2008):
 You may hate me for saying this, but do you not think you guys too old to be f**k buddies. Don't you want to settle down and have a partner in your life. I think you should have a little self respect and not be there just to be used as a sexual convenience for some jerk. I am 40 myself, but I would sooner have my man for myself, than share him with other women otherwise he is gonna give you a STD if you are not careful. Dump this creep and find yourself a decent guy. Dusky xxx.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008): If you were happy with being just FWB, then this is the consequence and you really can't complain or hope that things will change.
Unfortunately this type of arrangement is aboutno committment, no relationship and just being a sexual release for those involved.
If you didn't want this arrangement it is your fault for allowing it to continue for 3 years. It pretty much says it all that he is/was sleeping with another women at the same time. That seems to be what it was all about really, just sex. You cannot expect this man to have any respect for you in this situation. You got emotionally involved and now feel a bit used. It was mutual so I cannot see what you problem is. If you wanted a serious or more committed relationship with him, why didn't you change things much, much earlier in your relationship?
You cannot now be a bit miffed that he may have no desire to continue with you, you changed the rules it seems, he is doing what he always intended to, have others.
You are old enough to understand that this type of relationship is almost certainly going to be a disaster, especially if you desired, hoped or wanted something more.
You are really going to have to make much better decisions about who you choose to have a relationship with. You got what you agreed to and he has no responsibility about how you now feel. It seems with his actions he realises that you perhaps had another motive and is running for cover.
Please can you not call this a friendship which you care very much for. I have lots of lovely male friends bit I don't sleep with them. This was not a friendship is was a sex partner, nothing more - your post proves just that.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (17 February 2008):
 I think you need to decide if you want an exculsive relationship or not with this man. Once you decide that and if he will not give it to you, then you shouldn't want the relationship to go that way. If the two of you can decide to be friends without benefits, then proceed that way, it it's agreeable to both of you.
I do not know if he will contact you or not. If you've been with him for three years, it is likely he will. You've left messages, etc so the ball is clearly in his court.
It doesn't sound too much like a true friend if he wasn't honest with you about sleeping with someone else. Then there's the whole safe sex discussion. If you weren't practicing safe sex and he wasn't with her and who know who she is sleeping with, he really put you in a bad situation. Take some time to check yourself out.
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