A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my current BF for about 18 months (we do not live together). A little over a week ago he borrowed money from me, telling me he would pay me back today. He brought it up twice over the weekend, saying he will have the money today. Guess what...today he tells me he doesn't have it and he'll be able to pay me back for another 5 days.Normally, this wouldn't be a major issue, however, there are some things complicating the situation that allude me as how to discuss this with him:1. The way in which he borrowed the money. I had $100 bill sitting under a perfume bottle on my dresser. He called me up telling me he was on his way to work and HAD to borrow the money off my dresser because there was an issue with his bank where his direct deposit didn't go thru. Basically, he didn't really ASK, he just TOOK.2. About 3 weeks ago, he was gambling and won almost $4,000. He gave me $300, just because! I thought that was very nice and definitely something he didn't have to do.3. We went out and gambled a little this weekend. I lost $20 and said no more. He gambled a while, won $200, kept playing and lost it all. He could have paid me back right then and there easy AND had money to spend. He didn't. The following nite we went out again, I didn't gamble and told him I don't have any $ to spend until Wednesday. He started off losing $20, then proceeded to gamble another $60. For someone who had to borrow $100 this doesn't seem right. He is also supposed to get paid from work tonite, too.4. He borrowed $350 from me about a year ago, telling me me he'd pay it all back within 2 weeks...it took him over 2 months and made things a little tight for me financially.5. He knows I don't have extra money. He knows I just went thru a pay cut at work about 8 months ago and that has definitely hurt me financially. I don't buy myself any "luxuries", when we go out I choose cheap food, and don't gamble more than $20 if at all. 6. His b-day is this week and I kind of planned on spending that $100 to take him out and do nice things for his special day. However, I also feel bad cuz it is his b-day and feel bad asking for the money back right now. If he doesn't give that money back, I'm going to have to temporarily put those expenses on a credit card.Please give me some advice on how to handle this situation. I'm mad at him for borrowing the money the way he did, then spending money he supposedly doesn't have on something as silly as gambling. I'm not a bank. However, I feel awkward getting mad at him because of his nice gesture-- giving me $300 of his winnings. How would you approach this? Is this something you would just let go for another week/until he pays you back? Would you tell him you are upset? Tell him it puts you in a bad/awkward position financially and ask for the money back now? I don't know what to do....
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male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (9 March 2010):
 until he stops gambling your relationship will never be stable. when someone is reckless with money long term goals never happen.
i would leave this situation
just because someone gives you money when they have won (which is rare) does not make up for taking money from you when they are broke. its a game strategy. as long as he appears very generous occasionally he thinks he can take from you regularly-blurring the lines between his and your finances by constantly having money change hands. i guarantee you he is taking more money from you that you are getting from him once in a while.
he's a game player
A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (9 March 2010):
 He has an addiction, the only way he is going to change that if he admits he has a problem. Only then can he get help.
You cant fix this yourself, try to encoruage him to get help. If he has large debts then he can look at getting a fixed rate loan or selling some of his stuff to pay them back but only after he has got help otherwise he will end up bankrupt.
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