A
female
age
51-59,
*ainy
writes:I have been with my partner for just over a year. He has post traumatic stress and anxiety. He goes on very low moods and can say some hurtful things like he doesnt love me, he wants to leave etc.. Then wen he comes out a low he says he didnt mean it. We had a great sex life for 6 months then wen his ex, who he has a child to interfered sex became non existant.When I met him he was on viagra. He claims to love me and the affection has always been there till recently. Hes very caring but not as much now. I irritate him easily and theres hardly any kissing and cuddling. He says hell never leave me. The last low he had, he said he didnt truly love me. Wen he came out the low he admitted he didnt love me as much as he used to.only enough to stay with me. Im heartbroken and cant get over this. I dont know what to do. I love him so much and cant imagine my life without him. He said that he stopped having sex with his ex a year before they split up and I fear this is happening to us. I dont get it though. He saved up money and bought a car for me to drive today. He gets things for the house. His body language tells me he doesnt love me. what do i make of it?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (22 July 2007):
 Im so sorry that you are suffering so much. Maybe you will just have to 'roll with the punches' for a while and believe anything positive your partner says to be the truth. I am sure he wouldn't still be there if he didn't still care about you and love you deeply. Perhaps go back to your doctor and try another counsellor, as they are just people too and it just takes the right one to make all the difference. I admire you for wanting to find help with this. Maybe you just need a little more encouragement to take things further. Try to focus on anything positive and try to build on it. It's a tough one but not incurable.
keep me posted to your progress.
Aunty Em xxx
A
female
reader, lainy +, writes (21 July 2007):
lainy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for the advice and encouragement you gave me. My partner suffered from PTSD after he was abducted and assaulted ten years ago. He was also a battered husband for years before that. I constantly seek affection from him and hardly get any now. He is on Prozac which has taken the edge from his lows. He has seen a counselour and that hasnt worked. I feel ugly and unnatractive. He once told me that wen he was low. Im a very shy unconfident person myself. Thankfully my Buddhism keeps me afloat. I have my own issues including physical and mental abuse from my father wen i was growing up, raped. I have been on Seroxat for years. I had severe anxiety attacks after having my second son. I just wish I knew if my partner loved me. He says he does but i feel he doesnt.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (21 July 2007):
Hey there,
It sounds to me as if your partner is in some kind of a depression and suffering from low self esteem and guilt brought on by the PTSD. This could explain his loss of libido and his vast mood swings. Its very hard to say what might be causing this because you do not seem to know yourself, but it could be related to his former partner or his child or even perhaps his work or even the fact he was on viagra. Telling you that he doesnt love you is going to damage your own self esteem, but the fact that he says he will never leave you, makes it appear that he is clinging to you for some reason.
You very obviously love him but at the expense of your own happiness. Try to encourage him to see his doctor who may be able to prescribe some medication or who could put him in touch with a counsellor. Someone who could unravel his very complicated feelings and fears.
You also need to boost your own self esteem, so don't forget to focus on yourself once in a while and do stuff independantly that makes you happy i.e. see friends or involve yourself in some hobbies or groups where you have a bit of a life away from him for a couple hours a week.
He sounds very very confused and is pulling you down with him, which can be a very rough ride. Try your best to encourage him to seek professional help and try to think about yourselves as two seperate people who are going to try to overcome this problem. Don't suffer in silence.
Good Luck with sorting it out.
Aunty Em x
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