A
female
age
30-35,
*rwneyedgrl
writes:Hey everyone,Thanks for taking the time to hear me out.I met my boyfriend in college almost 3 years ago. We've gotten along great and haven't had any serious issues...until now. I've just recently noticed that his behavior is a little odd and is prompting me to question his sexuality. - We were out at a restaurant having dinner and he kept staring at one of the waiters. I jokingly asked if he was checking him out and he did not deny it. He said the waiter was attractive. - He asked for a 3 sum with me and another man. He said the other man would not be allowed to touch me but that the two of them would be touching each other. Huh?! - His best friend is openly gay and they used to be roommates.- He has asked several times to do anal.And lastly, just yesterday, he confided in me about something that happened before we met. He said he was curious and experimented with a man one time. He said they only touched each other and nothing more. I did not believe him and asked if he was bisexual. He said no. I asked if he was still curious about men, and he said he'd be willing to let a man perform oral sex on him but would never go all the way. He also said he is attracted to men who dress up and look like women on the outside. I asked again if he was bisexual and he said no. I told him I loved him and would be supportive but he needed to be completely honest with me. He continued to deny being bisexual. I did not want to push the subject so we left it at that. I am not sure what to think at this point. I am deeply in love with him and very attached since he was my first. What do you all think is going on with him? What should I do?
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male
reader, Nathan!!! +, writes (1 April 2017):
He is bi but he does not want to admit it to you. There are reasons as to why he will not come out and tell you, maybe you need to think of things to say to him or do to make him open up more. Don't hesitate to ask.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (5 January 2017):
 He's bi curious at a minimum. There's absolutely no way he's fully straight having these thoughts.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (5 January 2017):
 Wanting anal and the gay roommate does not indicate that he is bi, however him staring at men because they are attractive and wanting MMF so he can get on with the guy aren't things straight men want. Straight men may stare at dudes but for vastly different reasons then why they stare at women. Attraction is sexual and aimed at women, so a straight guy would not characterize his man-gaze for those reasons. Equally, MMF is a typically a cuckold fetish where the straight guy gets off on watching his woman get done by some guy, or perhaps to please her woman's fantasies... but straight dudes don't want MMF so they can get it on with the guy. In fact, when it comes to sex,most straight guys don't even want a guy anywhere near him or his woman.
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A
male
reader, James3714 +, writes (5 January 2017):
The anal thing is normal. Me and my wife do it regularly and I'm not attracted to men in the slightest. He is without doubt at the very least bi and hopefuly for your sake, not a closet homosexual. That would be unfair on you. Let him be him and if its not what you want, don't be afraid to move on. Suppression of sexuality always leads to problems. You would be amazed at how many married men with children have sex with other men behind their wives back. I know, because we had a gay friend that used to oblige these men. It sounds to me like you are being drip fed the truth to gauge your reaction because he wants to tell you more. He can't be criticised for this as he's likely just afraid to be completely open. Its also probable he has had various sexual experiences with other men rather than just that one time so just brace yourself for him to tell you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 January 2017):
 What you should do is accept him the way he is and stop trying to force a label over his head. He obviously doesn't want a label! And what does it matter really, if you get to call him bisexual or not? What difference does it make? It's not like you're planning on bragging about his sexuality to others, is it? It's not like it'd be a topic of conversation in your group of friends, at least I hope not!
His sexuality is what he told you it is. This is something that people get to define themselves, and he HAS been completely honest with you and told you how far he'd be willing to go with another guy. If YOU think that classifies as being bisexual, then you can label yourself as a bisexual if YOU ever feel like experimenting this way with another woman. But you do not have the right to try and label him. His sexuality is his, not yours. If he doesn't want to be labeled, then respect this and leave it alone.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (5 January 2017):
He's 100% bi but doesnt want to admit it. What straight man would ask for a threesome where his gf can't be touched by the other man but he can?
He's very much in denial
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 January 2017):
 Wanting anal doesn't make him gay or bi. I think that it's just one of those things a LOT of people do sexually, due to porn and the taboo factor.
However, I DO think he is bi, whether he wants to "admit" it or not. Maybe your BF isn't comfortable with labels or the idea of NOT being straight. So if HE feels the label "straight" is what he wants, then THAT is his label.
Wanting 3-somes with another man and only HE/other male gets to engage sounds like a guy who wants YOU to be OK with it, even though he won't "admit" to the label. It makes no sense for a "straight" man to want ANOTHER man in the bed with his partner and for HER to not participate, just watch.
I think he isn't comfortable with the notion of bisexuality. Or at least HIM being bi.
My guess is that he also has spent a lot of time with his gay best friend and is emulating HIM a bit. Like staring at an attractive male waiter. And I guess too that he looks up to this guy a lot.
Could it be a "phase"? I don't think it matters. Being BISEXUAL doesn't give ANYONE a free pass to cheat. I think if HE feels a NEED for experimenting he ought to let you go. Not try and convince you to participate (or rather just watch).
Is he doing it to make you feel unsure? insecure in your relationship? I don't know if he is doing it ON purpose, but his actions would make ME think that he might not want to remain faithful. And that would be a problem.
I don't think HIM admitting to being BI would change a thing. Because I don't THINK to be BI is an excuse to cheat. Or that BI people cheat more or NEED to have both a male and female lover (at once). It does feel a LITTLE like he is testing the waters with you. Seeing how far he can go.
So what would I do? I'd have a conversation about boundaries and standards. And I would tell him no 3-somes with men OR women ( if you don't want that) that if he feels he is missing something from the relationship to LET you know BEFORE he wants to go explore because you DO NOT want to stay in a relationship where cheating could happen. If he asks where all that is coming from you have examples to bring up. Like the wanting 3-somes and he being "curious" about sex with guys or guys in drag.
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