A
female
age
22-25,
*abyBlueBaby
writes:I'm 14 and taking an interest in guys, maybe even girls, and people are discouraging me. They say I should worry about my education instead and that I'm being too mature already? I don't get it. I do focus on my education. I have good grades. All I said was that I was simply taking an interest, not that I want to engage in sexual activities or that I'll throw myself at every boy. My mom says it's fine so how come others are saying it's not fine to take an interest? I thought it was natural? I take Health class and Sex ed' so I know that it has to be, but why were my responses so negative? And I've even told them my reasons but they still discouraged me. All I wanted to know is what I should do about my feelings, because I've been liking this guy and I've also been liking this girl too. Are they saying I should ignore my feelings? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2017): As I tell my own daughter, who is 16, your job right now is school. This time of your life is very short, but people your age can and do things to their detriment that can impact the rest of their lives in negative way.Of course you're coming into your own sexuality...we were all teens...I remember those days.If I could have a talk with myself now, to myself back then, I'd say this: steer clear of the drama of serious relationships...especially the sexual ones! The kids you're going to school with are your brothers and sisters, most likely not potential mates. Your school and circle of friends is too small to afford awkward break-ups and dramas, and gossip.Focus on doing well in high school, get into a good college and focus on becoming a responsible member of society - your heartbreaks and pain (in my case, due to a broken family, mental disorders of my father, alcoholism on both sides) are temporary. And when you're finally on your own, only you can decide how those pains will affect you, or not. Don't add to whatever baggage life WILL throw your way with pain you cause to yourself.Prepare for your future now, as a child, as you will spend more time as an adult than a child. Poor decisions as a child can complicate life as an adult.To the OP: learn from our mistakes and trust we care to see you become the best "you" you can be!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2017): "They" must include your father. Fathers are most protective of their daughters going through puberty; because young girls say more smart things than they are inclined to do. You are too young and should be more focused on your studies. They are right in that aspect.In most cultures, you're too young for dating. If it's okay with your mom, is it okay with your dad? Yes, older people have opinions about young females capable of pregnancy; and likely to fall in-love at the drop of a hat. They are over-protected, and rightly so.If it's okay with both your parents, who cares what "they" think? Unless "they" include your grandparents. Who are old-school and closer to right than wrong; to let a prepubescent young girl date. Who'll fall in-love immediately, and will not be as smart as she thinks she is. Once she falls for a clever sneaky boy, he will talk her into doing almost anything by manipulating her feelings. She will listen to him, before she listens to her parents.Proven to happen 99.99% of the time over the ages.Then there comes the heartbreak left by a boy. Most adults don't handle breakups well. Not at all!!! All you have to do is read DC. There's your proof. Children handle it even worse. That will effect your grades and your behavior. Badly!Sweetheart, you may be brain smart; but it takes maturity to be able to control the dumb things the heart will make you do. For now, "they" are only protecting you.Liking guys and/or girls is fine. It's natural, and healthy. The feelings will come and go. When you get the okay from your parents; if the people you like also like you back, you can hangout together. Even date.Nothing stops you from making friends, hanging-out, and chatting with people you like. You need permission to date at your age. No one can control your feelings, obviously not even you right now. So it's better to protect your feelings than not.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2017): Perhaps the people you are talking to are feeling that your interest is one sided and they are trying to caution you about being so open about your intentions.Maybe the girl you are into is not into you as anything more than a friend and maybe the boy feels also the same way.A few sex ed classes about the birds and the bees (as they used to call it) doesnt mean to get all steamed up about someone and spread it around.They are cautioning you to slow down because they dont want you to get a reputation for being a bit of a slapper.You need to be very close friends as well as to have a sexual allure and 14 yrs old is still too young.16 is generally the legal age for sex and your mom should not encourage you to do it before that age even with a boy your own age and especially with anyone older as it is a crime!Hence your good friends are advising you to slow down and think of something else now and again.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (5 January 2017):
 People get carried away with teen relationships, feeling puppy love and claiming it's mature love, having sex too soon, etc. I think that's why you're getting negative reactions. I think having the feelings is okay, but I think dates should be group dates and never alone until you're over 16.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (5 January 2017):
 Who are 'They' who are giving you the negative opinions?
One of the things you will learn as you grow older is when to listen to advice, and when to ignore it. It is a lesson we continue to learn throughout life.
If your parent thinks it is all right then that would be good enough for me.
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