A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my guy for hitting 2 years now. I am 29, he is 35. His hair is thinning, just as it was when I first met him. It has become such an obsession with him over the last six months, and its driving me nuts. He has stopped going out socially and is convinced people are pointing to his head and laughing at him. He has questioned me about my ex`s and how thick their head of hair was. To top it up now, he is ready to approach the bank for a loan for a hair transplant (being dishonest to the bank about the reason for the loan). If the truth be known I have always found balding guys who shave their head incredibly sexy. He thinks I am lying about that to make him feel better. He has refused to see his gp as I believe he needs counseling, not a hair transplant. He is a nice guy but all he talks about lately is his hair. How do I get him to embrace it and just shave it all off instead and be who he is and have good times again?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 February 2012):
 Gawd bald men are sexy.
Jean-Luc Piccard was a much sexier Captain than Jame T Kirk.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 February 2012):
 This is something he has to figure out on his own, all you can do is love him for who he is and not how much hair he has or doesn't have.
Sorry, this insecurity is ALL his.
If he doesn't want to go out I would suggest you go out with friends till he realize what he is missing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): It's a myth that guys can generally shave it off and look fine.
Only SOME guys can shave it off and look just fine. Lots of other guys look absolutely horrible. And even more guys that don't look horrible will at least go from being very attractive to very average when they shave it all off.
Most women don't really understand this because guys who can't pull off the shaved-head look usually won't do it, even when they have lost quite a bit of hair. The vast majority of the shaved-headed guys people see are the ones who can pull it off well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): My husband is bald and went through this to a lesser degree. He eventually shaved it all off. He never attempted to grow it back and from that day on, he never whinged about it again. The worst thing any balding man can do is try to conceal it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): Show him what you have wrote here and all the positive answers. I am also in agreement that bald men with shaved heads are sexy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2012): You should tell him to be thankful that he is not a woman and having this happen. Guys can just shave it off and look just fine, bald women are the ones that would stand out and get made fun of. There are plenty of bald men. No one will even care, let alone make fun of him. Some may even think he looks better this way. And as long as you like it, he really shouldn't care what others think anyway. He's with you, not them.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (12 February 2012):
 Most guys I know just shave it off and go for the sexy bald look.. and like you, I find this exciting.. :PBack off, leave him alone, you can't convince him with words. But it doesn't hurt to suddenly get yourself an obsession for bald men... Start buying magazines with articles of bald famous men.. Leave the internet page open so he can't miss the bald guys you've been looking up. Find movies with bald guys, and do a little subtle drooling. Keep telling him how sexy he is, but how much more sexy he will be when you can use some baby oil. Tell him your fantasy about being locked in a room with a bald guy dressed in a towel. Suddenly want to watch The "Die Hard" films 100 times, back to back.. mmm.... Bruce Willis. And smile whenever he says bald.... mmmm... Vin Disel. Don't buy into his neurosis, don't mention anything about hair problems.I know I'm teasing.. but you can't convince him, so just do your dreaming and wait. If he mentions anything about transplant, just look disgusted, disappointed and mention men with transplants or wigs are funny looking.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 February 2012):
 I agree with those who say that the best thing to do is just to back off and let him deal with how he feels about his hair. He is grappling with a change in image. All you can do is show him that your love for him doesn't and won't abate, no matter what's on his head. And you do this WITHOUT telling him.
If you keep suggesting things, telling him over and over again that you love him no matter what he looks like, or try to get him to snap out of it before he's ready, you'll sound patronizing. Remember, his ego is in flux.
Best thing to do is to take his mind off of it, let him sort out what he wants to do about his hair, and make him feel as desirable as he did before he became "hair aware".
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A
female
reader, delightful84 +, writes (12 February 2012):
You need to look up photos of hair transplants that have gone wrong and compare them to photos of men with shaven heads. http://kaizan28.hubpages.com/hub/10-sexiest-bald-men
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A
male
reader, wiseoldman +, writes (12 February 2012):
Tell him to shave it. As a teenager my hair was down to my waist in thick waves and my female classmates joked that they hated me. At 22 it started to thin on top and my hairline receded. I bore it for a few years and then shaved it all off. I've been like this ever since, and people tell me it's a wonderful look. He should do the same.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 February 2012):
 You can't fix anyone else's insecurities. You have already done everything you can to help. I understand this is a rough thing to go through, but he has an unhealthy obsession and needs help getting through it. I think at this point he needs some tough love. You need to tell him that you're very tired of the self-loathing and that he needs to go talk to a therapist because he is wrecking his relationship and life over this. That it is not the baldness hurting your relationship, but his insecurities. A therapist could help with that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2012): I think letting him know that you love him hair or no hair is good. Keep that up.
About the Exs- they had hair but they were jerks. I'm not with them because they were not good for me. You are. I love you.
It has everything to do with character and integrity not hair.
I think also saying you feel helpless to help him in his time of need and that he needs to see someone to get back a healthy perspective on his balding or hair loss is fair to say. I would not say it is irritating as its unsupportive and ignorant and hurtful to say such a thing even if its how you feel.
Loss is loss. Identity is Identity. To him, hair loss is no different than a woman who has to suffer the same issue or if anyone has to struggle with their self esteem and identity being 'attacked' and it is out of their control.
NO ONE ENJOYS OR HANDLES FEELING HELPLESS in a healthy managable way especially if it is overwhelming to them. Empathizing and seeing it through their eyes is a better way to overcome this time in his life is the loving and right thing to do.
Be of support. Not anger and worry about what it is doing to you.
http://www.hairlosspatientguide.com/hair_loss_psychology.html
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