A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello: First I want to say that I'm writting for advice NOT to be slandered for my scenerio. I work with a guy who yes is married, however our odd hours and found interest in eachother's abilities, art and such..have created a mutual bond bewtween us, and in general yeah, we like eachother.... I never thought he was good looking, but he became attractive to me,inspired fantasy and he has told me that he is crazy about me too..yadda yadda, we never had sex, but we have held eachother on many occasions,some naughty talk.. one night when he and two others came out to see my art exhibit..we held eachother in the parking lot and while he was comlimenting me on my show, well..there was a little fingertip back rub/ ass stroke... chest smooches for his positive critique of my show... Even before this particular night, A cycle started where he would ignore me, then give excuse for his behavior, then tell me he 'loves' me, then the cycle would repeat. I tried breaking it off myself, discovering that I too had to use the same kind of cycle you could say..when I'd ignore him though he got pissed... ( I had to break my feelings when I discovvered that I actually cared for him)he knows I care he says "same thing" when I've told him that.. I write because I have not worked in one month due to our season and am to go back to work in two weeks. I have processed quite a bit with this sites help... I saw him last Sat to get my pay check, and he hugged me and eventually started goin on how we are goin to party this summer, and how he will have to bring this art thing of his in for me to use, (he mentioned he'd do it last year and still hasn't), well, my question is, what is THIS, is he trying to 'keep it goin', test me, or is he revealing his plans to keep pursuing me?? Not at all???? All I know is that I do not want to go thru that kind of pain again. I fell for him, but this back and forth cycle stuff hurt like hell. He loves me, then mentions the wife, then loves me, ignores me, then bad mouths her, then ignores me, then reels me in again, whatever the variation, I find it unstable..what the hell is that stuff, was he going thru what I was, I care, fear it, ignore, then don't want to loose it?? Women are diff then men, so I don't know what to fathom when a man behaves as such??? And now after RECENTLY seeing him he's talking about the summer, and how he will bring this art stuff in for me, and how we're gonna party this summer yadda yadda... I dunno?? What's he all about??. I really appreciate any mature/ experienced feedback regarding his possible intentions..as the next 'season' is about to begin-to be generally prepared with option. Thank YOU!! Again!
View related questions:
I work with Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2009): advice: dont mess with a married manquestion: how can you be like that? hes married ok?hes made his commitment to his wife alredy so dont have anything to do with himfind a guy of your own
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2009): That's why you don't get involved with people that are married. You can NEVER trust them. Have some self-respect and dignity, and involve yourself with a single man. Not to mention respect for someone's marriage.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2009): I agree with Rythmandblues2 100% He is playing head games with you. And you have fallen hook, line, and sinker!
You stated you wanted some mature answers...well you are getting them! He may be attracted to you, but obviously, he loves his wife. I don't understand how women expect that just because a married man shows some attention, it means they are willing to leave everything behind! It happens sometimes, but usually, the man is using the other woman to get some unmet needs satisfied. It could be as simple as an ego boost, or as complicated as an affair. Or anywhere in-between! You are right that woman are different than men. Most of us are in love with being in love, that we jump the gun. We act on an emotional level, and men act on a sexual level.
I won't preach to you about this mans' wife and family...Rythmandblues did that for me.
Find your own man, one who is available. This situation, if continued will only cause you pain. And the back and forth you described....if you decide to pursue this, get used to it, because you are in for a lot more of that! Not to mention...sleepless nights!
Good Luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, happy24birthday +, writes (7 February 2009):
 Don't have any advice or explanation for you as I am experiencing the exact thing myself. My guy seems to be on a 2-week schedule - we meet and have a good time, then pretty much no contact for 2 weeks until he's ready to meet again. I don't get to call the shots at all, and since our meets are so infrequent I rarely turn him down as that would punish me too. I don't know what the deal is, but believe me when I say it is happening to others all over the world. Sorry I couldn't give you an explanation for his behavior, but wanted you to know I understand and that it's happening to me too. Based on my experience, the only thing I would advise you is to walk away from him completely if you can. I couldn't due to the overwhelming attraction as well as the regret I knew I'd carry if I hadn't pursued it. Welcome to contact me privately if you ever want to vent.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2009): You know I think this is a case of unrequited love, yours. He is enjoying the ego stroking he gets by your love and attention, but he has a life, a wife and a real family to go home to and you apparantly do not....so he knows you are vulnerable and someone he can mess with.
He's being a jerk, you can spend all your emotional energy analyzing him, but you are wasting your time doing that as there is no logical reason for his actions, it is all emotional psychological bs games that he is playing in his own head and acting out on you.
By analyzing this you are stuck. Have you ever heard of anlaysis paralysis....? You can't make a decision as to how you want to approach this.
If you should choose to begin a sexual affair, because right now you are in an emotional one, no good can come out of this....he doesn't love you. Love is a verb, not a noun and he isn't doing anything to show his love for you, is he. ...except groping you and psychologically wearing you down so he can get in your pants some day.
He isn't even attractive, so he is probably thrilled with your attention, what with you being a great artist and all, he is probably very flattered....but he is hurting you with all these mind games.
Just stop it, find something or someone else to fill you up. If you are lonely and spending a little to much time in your head creating, get out in the world and get more active and try to meet some nice available men...
Sometimes when we are attracted to unavailable men it means that we have some personal issues to work out so that we are prepared for a real relationship when it finds us, you are either fearing intimacy or fear true rejection from someone who you could possibly have a real successful relationship with, so you are sort of doing what you think you can handle right now....Not good, you are going to end up damaged and be even less prepared to have a healthy relationship of your own.
'
I suggest some counseling for you, to find out why you would want to go there with someone else's husband because what you are is a direct threat to her and her family if you continue having your emotional affair with her husband. It isn't right and it ruins lives, including yours.
Good Luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2009): This is so obvious. He is MARRIED, that's why he is so hot and cold.
...............................
|
