A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend tried to kill me and I don't know what to do!We had stayed at a friends on Saturday night but I had went out for a little while, upon returning home on the Sunday my boyfriend started shouting and swearing at me for going out and leaving him! (I never go out ad this was the first time in a year) He always tries to control me and I snapped and told him if he didn't stop that would be it. He didnt take this very well and slapped me, smashed a photo frame, smashed a bottle, pushed me and choked me til I thought that I was going to die!I know he loves me and I know hes always had an anger problem but I feel scared of what he could possibly do. He told me afterwards once we had sorted everything out that he was wanting to kill me and he was trying to, he broke down in tears and told me I should leave him and that I deserve better, But I know he just needs some help!!He told me even as a child he had anger problems and his parents always dismissed them saying he would grow out of them, he thinks he should have gotten help then and does not think he can seek help now in fear of people thinking he has got something wrong with him.Please help I really don't know what to do!! I've told him I'll stick by him for now at least but is there anyone he can talk to confidentially that isn't a psychiatrist or will he just have to face one? Also do you think there will be any chance of him changing? Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, I'llTryToHelp  +, writes (3 June 2008):
 What do you think he'll do the next time you defy him? Say "That's OK, baby. You just go ahead and do whatever you want."He'll lose it again and again as long as you continue to take it.. Think long and hard about the effect this has had on you. You're afraid of him now. You'll be afraid to do anything that might set him off. Before long, your entire life with revolve around what might or might not make him angry.If he's willing to go to anger management counselling, then tell him you'll be supportive if he'll go. Tell him you're not gonna stay with him unless he gets help and stick to it. And no more controlling everything you do.Believe me, it will only get worse. You said he always tries to control you and this is how he'll get away with it. By making you afraid of him..Good Luck and Stay Strong.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): "My boyfriend tried to kill me and I don't know what to do!" Are you for real, do you have a death wish, do you want to die. Simple rules for survival.
IF YOUR BOYFRIEND TRIES TO KILL YOU, RUN AWAY VERY FAST AND STAY FAR AWAY.
If your brave enough, you could go to the police and have him locked up for common assault. But stay far away from him. THIS MAN IS A DANGER TO YOUR HEALTH.
If you want to help then leave him. He needs to manage him anger issues by himself. By staying your simply rewarding bad behaviour. You can tell him to contact his doctor or try MIND (mental health charity), or NHS Direct for the number of the nearest counsellor/ anger management group in your area.
You should also find out more information about "domestic abuse" and read up on what women who have been through this have decided to do in your situation. Until this man changes he is a danger to your life, you cannot be with him until he is able to provide you with a safe environment.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 June 2008):
 It sounds to me like he needs to address the 'anger management' problem right away. He is not going to get through this with just your help. It is a pity that his parents haven't helped him get this therapy he needs, as it is unlikely to be resolved without some professional help.
Here's an article for you to read, a very eye-opening piece contributed by Ask_oldersister.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/warning-signs-youre-dating-a-loser.html
Counseling is treated as a confidential process, and no one needs to know he's sought help for this if he is feeling worried about it. It is not something he should put off doing, as this escalation into violence is a major RED FLAG. I don't know if this is the first time this has happened to you, the physical violence part I mean, but once he's done it, he may do it again.
Him trying to exert control over you and your life is a major RED FLAG too, so please, cut contact with him until he goes and gets professional counseling for this.
Take good care of yourself, no one would want to see you get hurt further.
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