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female
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anonymous
writes: my bf and i have been together for almost two years and we click very well and make eachother laugh. we have sex about two times per week and it's passionate and good. problem is that he looked at porn once and i have a severe body image problem and it messed me up and i cryed and freaked out and he said he'd never do it again. well he did it like five more times and each time i started getting these serious depression problems that eventually led me to cut myself and have this rage problem. the thing is that i don't think i'm crazy. he never leaves the house, period, he never really makes me feel special. i have to beg him just to go to the video store with me. i really love him and i know he loves me but he's really let himself go and it's embarrasing to have a boyfriend who doesn't do anything with me. are we doomed?
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (2 February 2006):
 I don't hink your issues with porn would be so serious if you didn't have such low self esteem and body image problems. I am not saying that you need to change yourself just how you percieve yourself. If you tell you bf how his looking at porn makes you feel and ask him to supress it's use and he complies I think you in turn may need to seek professional guidance about you body issues. why go thru life with a low self-worth when you acn recieve help to rid you of this terrible problem.
Good luck.x
A
male
reader, nikoleye +, writes (7 January 2006):
Well, I feel for both of you and just want to say that you and your boyfriend are not alone. I feel I am letting myself go...and the funny thing is I am watching more porn...something is going on that I don't like and I fear it could be a downward spiral if I don't do anything about it...my wife will also be affected. The thing is that we must question how our society has educated us to be the way me are, to beahve the way we do. Of course we are not passive learners, though I feel society (and I would go to say a society of nothing but sex marketing) is shaping us tremendously. This is why girls and boys worry about there sexual appeal based on their physique only. We all need to breathe and deepen our appreciation of life, our life, our living, creation, and harmony. PORN shows us little of this...that is why I am concerned about my own habbit...the power of image is great...and that is what PORN is about. What we need to see for ourselves is the beautiful image inside...deep inside ourselves...the essence of life...beautiful it is.
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A
female
reader, mystify +, writes (4 January 2006):
 please ignore the message from male reader anon, you do not need to change your body image, unless you are unhealthily under or over wieght...there is always someone who will adore you and find you sexy the way you are and for what you are, all women can be sexy and if you are not made to feel that YOU are my the very person who is supposed to love you then of course you will feel bad about yourself, try and be happy with your body and know that it takes all shapes and sizes, i used to be a tall, blonde, perfect yet curvy size 8, with D cup boobs and my ex still made me feel so ugly and disgusted with my body that i became ill, you need support from the people around you to be happy about yourself. and no you are not doomed believe me!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2006):
My take- you are doomed. Unless you change your body image
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A
female
reader, mystify +, writes (3 January 2006):
my heart went out to you when i read this and just thought you might apprieciate hearing from someone who has been there and understands you, with the cutting yourself , i just wanted you to know that this is not uncommon, and people see it as a way of releasing their pain, they feel all this pain inside and want to let it out and the cleaning up the wound afterwards can make it feel like you are cleaning up the wounds inside...i know this as i have been there and it too started over porn but not so long ago i saw someone on tv saying to hold an ice cube instead ubtil you feel a similar pain, but without causing any damage or leaving scars.the rage i developed too,and the depression, and the body image thing too i ended up with anorexia i was only a size 8 anyway!, its a dangerous road to go down , i ended up passing out in an exam!when i finally left him it was the best thing ever , even though it left me with a bad habit for cutting myself it got better over time and the best thing i found was keeping good people around me.and i even realised what it was to really love someone and be happy , i dont want to say to you to leave him as you say you do really love him i just wanted to let you know that there are people who undertsandhow you are feeling and that if you do decide to leave him then you could find a greater happiness
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A
female
reader, Tinkz  +, writes (3 January 2006):
 You not doomed,
As hard as it may be, try and watch a porno on your own, i am sure there is nothing to be worried about your body alot of women have issues with their bodies.
Find something interesting to do and try it on your boyfriend, a little change never hurt anyone, infact it might just liven up your relationship.
If you feeling depressed, go into your bedroom and cry, let it all out, you will feel much better afterward.
If none of this works speak to your boyfriend about how you feel that he is not helping by not putting in any efford into your relationship and if he still doesn't do anything, then tell him you need to start seeing other people that make you feel good about yourself.
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