A
female
age
36-40,
*razykat87
writes:I have just found hidden porographic videos on our joint laptop that we collected from his mum's on saturday evening. LO and behold i opened up the browser history and he's been masturbating to these videos everyday since saturday... it's now wednesday and i'm getting sick of it, i cant find them to delete them and he knows that him masturbating to videos and images of othe women hurt me as i am slighlty overweight and feel terrible about myself now, when we do make love it's great and he tells me he love me, but how can i make love to him now knowing that he constantly claims he's tired and masturbates to these gruesome videos and images everyday before i get home from work!!!I am so confused and dont know what to do, i love him with my whole heart but i cant keep feeling like this!!!any suggestions will be much welcomed!!!
View related questions:
overweight, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (19 March 2009):
 krazykat, if u feel his porn habits are affecting ur ability to have sex with him, like ur performance, ur quality of orgasms etc, then u should bring this to his attention. i had a lot of issues with my bf before, and now, hes been porn frree for a while, he gave his entire porn dvd collection away to his buddies, (he never keeps anything private therefore i knew when he gave them away) and the laptop has been clean from porn. i happen to be very savvy with computers so i know this! hes very proud, and now has openly admitted he has no longer felt any temptation to even go to the pornsites, etc. our sex life has recovered, and, most important, thats one less argument in our relationship. even he has said to me, wow, we dont argue anymore, and, hes noticed a remarkable change in my attitude towards him, and everything else... i used to be severely depressed, to the point where my body was trembling and shaking in fury. its important to recognize, guys bhave insecurityy issues too, while not the same, it can effect their sex performance etc if they feel very sensitive about it. my x bf was extremly sensitive about his small cock, i made a joke about it one time not knowing this was a sensitive issue to him, we were fairly new, few months into dsating and he blew up. he cried, believe it or not, and said nit was this reason which caused him to be unable to get a full erction with many girls, or even orgasm. he said he faked a lot because he was insecure, thought girls were always comparing his dick to other guys etc, the point is is that for us women, porn is the same thing, we are made to feel insecure and no matter what a guy will say, we cant get over it. it destroys us, it degrades a lot of us, it makes us feel insufficient. i have advised many other women to start making their own hot homemade porn with their significnt others , to take sexy nude photos that their bfs or husbands can get off to. and it worked for many of them.although, u may have to compromise, one friend of mine said her bf liked anal porn, he told her she hated anal and so he got anal porn to satisfy his fetishes and fantasies, therefore i told her its either compromise somewhat, or live with his porn habit, give a little get back some too. so she started to experiment, and slowly worked herself to where she could allow the head of his penis inside, he happily told her she did not have to go balls deep, because this was very hot for him, they filmed their sex and he was very very happy. and he in turn never bothered about porn again bevause he had his gf who was hot, sexy, and allowed him to venture with her, in his fantay world. and of course, she had her own fetishes and he was very happy to oblige her as well.
i am very firm in the belief that porn can be good IF both couples are 100% into it, but if one is and the others not, then its borderline cheating, and also damaging to the one who its affecting. wish people were a little more smarter to figure this out. guys will find every excuse to do it, and also because they have been doing it for so long, its hard to break old habits. and., old habits do die hard. so give it a go and see what he says, let me know how things worked out for u!!! if u need anymore advice, im a fingerclick away....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): Well most men watch porn. Lots of women watch it too. There isn't necessarily anything wrong with that. You need to be clear and tell him again that you are uncomfortable with it. That's what makes it wrong here. Is he willing to make that sacrifice? Are you both willing to compromise?
And about the weight thing - you say you feel bad for being overweight. That's understandable. Be responsible for your own self esteem, though. It's not your boyfriend's responsibility to make you feel good about yourself. In most cases, porn isn't a serious threat. Try to understand that porn is often just a release, something fun like junk food or reality TV. Not good for you, but lots of fun :)
The more you make this into an ugly issue and try to make him feel ashamed for it, the more you are pushing him away. Let him know it makes you feel uncomfortable, and try to make a compromise. Don't be the hysterical girl who thinks that her man watching porn means he doesn't love her etc etc.
Good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): its not very nice knowing your boyfriend does this :(
just talk to him and sayy.. is my love not enough if you need to do this? dont FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT UR SELF :(
he loves you and thats all that matters just tell him your sick of what he is doing and it needs to stop tell him straight i hope its all ok for you xx
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): so he watches porn.. whats the big deal?? every guy does that!! as long as u guys are good with your love life and you keep him on his toes you have nothing to wrooy about.. and so what if you are abit over waight?? some guys like a bit of meat on their girls =)
...............................
|
