A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:This is a tricky question and I thank all who tackle it. I am in my early fifties. I am told I am relatively attractive and am in reasonably good shape. I am attracted to a colleague in his early thirties and it would seem mutual. He is a terrific person and seems to care about the state of the world just as I do...just his life experience, his personality...we are on the same beam. I have dismissed my attraction for him because he will want to have a permanent committed relationship, have kids ect and I am all done with that. He tells me now he wants to let his currrent girlfriend go..that is not fair to her. I know I will get all the cougar comments ect but this is the first time I have been attracted to someone younger. Should I nip this in the bud before it ends in disappointment for everyone. I have dated guys my own age but like many women, like the idealism and energy of younger men and not feeling the expectation that I have to be a maid, housekeeper ect. I have a really good career, travel widely and still am open to the world. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Barry Bottle  +, writes (5 November 2009):
A few things need disentangling here - first and foremost maybe,are you sure the guy wants children? It's not necessarily a fait accompli. Two of my best male friends from school who I have been able to recontact via Facebook after thirty years have no children, have no plans to and do not seem particularly bothered about it.Second, if you're in good shape and attractive you have the jump on the average guy of your own age for sure, and even on the large majority of men in their forties. So there's no reason not to consider yourself 'on a par' with a man in his thirties you're attracted to. There's always the danger of 'Ralph Fiennes' syndrome (I believe there was sixteen years or so between him and his partner Francesca Annis, it was always said they'd come to the end of the line and they did not long after she turned sixty if I'm correct), but once again is it inevitable? I would say not. Not all men would ditch an attractive partner in their sixties for a model nearer their own age or younger -for reference check out Olivia Newton-John who isn't about to 'lose it' anytime soon, and she's a sexuagenarian which in bald terms of juxtaposition seems quite absurd. Thirdly I think there's going to be new ground broken soon as far as mature women are concerned, if it isn't in the process of being broken already (see ONJ); women will stay attractive for longer, fitter for longer, desirable for longer. They will catch up with men in this regard - why should Rod Stewart be considered a catch for much younger members of the opposite sex still (apart from his wealth and fame of course) and not a good-looking Jane Doe of the same age? For the obvious caveat here we come back to the question of 'does the guy want children?', but the retort to this is to restate that it is not by any means inevitable.In short, go for it - why should you comform to outmoded social mores when you're probably far more desirable and energetic than many women in their twenties and thirties?!!
|
