A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:one month after our one year anniversary, my husband told me that he had been thinking about a divorce. I kind of knew it was coming, since we haven't had sex in over two months, he stays gone out of town for work more often, and when he does come home, he basically just treats me like I'm the nanny. He'll ask how the kids have been, if there is anything to eat, and if his clothes are clean. There is no longer any intimacy of any sort. When we tried to talk about what is wrong, he says he doesn't know, things just aren't right. He swears he still loves me, and there isn't anyone else. I'm not sure what I should do. He doesn't want to "rush out and get a divorce" and he doesn't want me to move out. I need to know what to do to try and fix things, or if I should just walk away after only a year. I'm getting no help from him, his only response is "I don't know what it is". Please help if possible!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI haven't mentioned counseling yet, mainly because when I do get to see him, or talk to him, I get the same response. "I don't know what it is". He has basically shut me off from his life, and thinks he should have time to think about what he wants before he will even talk about it again. I don't want to nag him about it and make things worse, so I have stopped bringing it up. I have started focusing on myself and working out to make myself look and feel better, also to try and keep from dwelling on something that I feel I have no power to change since he won't tell me what's wrong. I don't want to move out, but I'm beginning to think that is what he wants, but doesn't want to be the one to tell me to leave. I can't sit around waiting on him to decide my fate alone. I should have some say so in what happens, and if he really doesn't want to be married, then he'll have it. If he does, then maybe he'll at least talk to me if he wants me back. I don't know what else to do.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): I have been where you are except I was in what I call a loveless marriage for 17 years until I decided to get out of it. I would STRONGLY recommend that you seek marriage counseling. First seek counseling for yourself so you can deal with how you are being treated then get him to come along with you to counseling so that you both can talk things over with someone that is totally impartial. I have learn over the years that some people tell you that they love you because it is an easy word to say but their actions tells other wise. Also what you can do in the meantime is to write him a letter stating EXACTLY how he makes you feel by his actions and see what he says. That certainly is a way of communicating your thoughts to him. I have learned that our words can be very harsh so putting it in writing often times smooth things over. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, vsnod +, writes (7 August 2008):
 You are going to need his cooperation in order to make this marriage work! Him saying he still loves you is a good sign. Do you think he would be open to marriage counceling? I think that would probably be the best thing because it can help the two of you communicate and get to the root of the problem.
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