A
female
age
41-50,
*loudiness
writes:My boss' boss and I have had this weird thing going and I need help! We've already told each other our attraction but he wrote to me that he likes me but can't do anything because of marriage, job, etc. I'm married as well and he started touching me more after all this. I'm so confused and now it has gotten awkward because of some events. Need help.
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female
reader, Cloudiness +, writes (9 January 2012):
Cloudiness is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your response, honeypie. You are completely right. I've been sharing this whole situation with one of mmy close friends and a co-worker of mine. He kept telling me to put a stop to it. Which is why I emailed him about touching me. I thougth that was a bit strange. Rubbing my shoulders esp. when he's the one lecturing me about boundaries and how heated this situation got. I've been staying away this whole time and trying to be normal. But everytime he sees me he smiles and turns red and gets flushed. I think my last email saying to stop the touching kinda pissed him off and hes maybe hurt. I dont know and frankly i shouldnt care. Deep inside, I did want something but I knew i had to do this before things got really out of control and then i could never forgive myself. I'm gonna be strong and once the awkwardness goes away then keep at just work-related. thank you for the advice. I will keep you guys posted. and please any more advice and analysis will help me through this....
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 January 2012):
 Stop the little personal one-on-one conversations. If he tries to start one, tell him you have to go. Cut down the chatter to work related stuff.
Don't share anything with this guy. No poetry, no personal info. He is playing with fire and whenever you respond he thinks you want to play too. DO NOT play his games.
ANYTHING you mail him you send to his work e-mail and EVERY time you mail him something, think of this, could your husband read it over your shoulder and not get upset? If so, don't hit send.
If he keeps pushing your boundaries tell him, and then if he doesn't stop, you report him for harassment.
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A
female
reader, Cloudiness +, writes (9 January 2012):
Cloudiness is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your prompt responses. I really do need an unbiased advice. I mean i know what shouldve been done and whats moral and etc. SO here are the details and plz provide me with input. It was obvious from day one that he liked me. Imean he would get red and flushed and pay extra attention to me. He is overall a nice warm smart and friendly (think he's religious as well (christian)) and im from the middle east. We got along real well and im about 20 yrs younger than him and tend to get along with older more mature people. Dont knwo why. ANyways sorry to ramble. We would always chit chat in his office and then he sent me pix of him and his wife to show me how he looked without a beard. Then once i msged him about some music and he never responded and he would kind of step away. So then i would get the point and respect his space. Then at our group xmas party that i organized he brought his guitar and sang. And it was only me and another girl in the room and he sang 2 xmas love songs and one love song that had lyrics pretty much about us. It was so wierd. But i had already taken him out of my head bc i knew it was wrong to be doing this and feeling this way. That same day I had to wrok on something for him and he started asking me about personal stuff like about how I go all out and im a very passionate person and put alot of effort into things. so then i started talkinig about it as wlel and before u know it. He said that I was very young and attractive and ppl wwould view as differently. and that we need to be careful ANd i was like ok thats fine. I confessed that i did found him attractive but couldnt go fwdd bc of work marriage etc. Then he started describing what he liked about me like my dark hair and big brown ehyes and i was panicking. We left it at that and then the next week he was acting wierd and coming up to me. SO then i said i was confused and didnt knwo what he meant by being careful. He then wrote me a long email explaining that he was attracted to me and he was flattered that i was and that hes distracted by me. nbut hes very into his work and hes commited to his marriage. and then started saying that i needed to work on my marriage and etc (which made me mad since he knows nothing about my marriage). I wrote him back saying the same stuff and to kinda stay away from me just bc things went alittle out of hand. The next few days he kept comning to me and i kept trying to get away from him. He then called me into his office and started talking a out unimportant work stuff and then about my artwork and poetry. ughh he was like motivating things more. i clearly said w eneed to let things cool down. Then with all this i got confused and i told him (in email) that i wrote a poem about him but was husitant to share. He said to send to his personal account and its fine. Then nothign after that. Except still touching and rubbing on my shoulders!! he doesnt do that to the other women! he plays around w guys but never with the females.!! I was obsessing over him still and finally sent him and email to respect my boundaries and to not touch me. He understood and said he would. and i replied saying i dont know why u want to see my poem if u arent responding. he then said i need to be professional and hes gonna delete me off of fb and nothing was ever gonna happen and that i will only get frustrated. Im mad bc he was fishing for me this whole time and acting like im this crazy person whoo imagines everything.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 January 2012):
Moo is right.
Don't even go there. Tell him it has to stop. If he continues, tell someone, report him.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (8 January 2012):
 Don't go there! It will be a disaster!!!! Tell him that you want to work on your marriage and you don't want him to touch you anymore. If he continues, threaten to report him for sexual harrassement. If he threatens to fire you, laugh in his face. He can not fire you for this and if he does then you can take him to the cleaners. I can not stress enough to you that you must must must stop any unprofessional contact with him now.
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