A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid...I don't know what to do. I've been seeing this man for about 6 months. He pursued me for almost 2 1/2 years and I finally gave in. I have fallen in love with him and he tells me he loves me. He was divorced about 3 years ago. He and his ex-wife had a very volatile relationship but she was the true love of his life. To make a long story short, she now has told him that she has cleaned up her act and really wants to get back together with him. He is very torn because he will always love her but he says he also loves me. I don't know what I can do but just let him go...it's hurting me so much inside because I let myself fall in love with this man and now I am going to lose him...is there any advice you can give me??? I know I should just move on but right now it is so hard because, like I said, he does still love me and I still love him. I can sympathize with his situation and I know how hard this must be for him...what if she really changed? Help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your support! MeowMix I totally agree with what you are saying. My friends do not understand this relationship and sometimes it is very hard for me to understand. There is a side to him that my friends don't really like and that is the fact that he has an issue with my weight. His ex-wife has a perfect body but is not good looking. He says I am beautiful but wishes I had the body I had back when we first met...I have to work towards that since I did gain a great deal of weight after some surgeries to my knee. Anyhow, I have decided that I am going to back off and let time tell...what's meant to be will be...it's just nice to know that I am not the only person that has been through this and perhaps you understand as well that sometimes your friends just don't get it either because they are more concerned about you.
A
female
reader, MeowMix86 +, writes (3 January 2008):
 Wow, I completely sympathize with you. What a horrible situation it is and I can't imagine the pain you must feel. It seems to me that the ball is in his court, so to speak. Its his decision. He loves you and he loves her and someone is going to get hurt. So think everything through.
In situations like these, you have to put yourself first. Consider what happens in all possible scenarios.
That is:
A. He chooses to go back with her.
B. He chooses to stay with you.
If he chooses to go back with her, then for your own sake you must let him go and move on. Seek the closure you need and move on. Life is a perpetually filled with comings and goings and loved ones are the ones that have the most impact If this happens you must cope with it as a loss. Confide in those close to you and try to cut off as much contact as possible. Remember, put yourself first. He isn't considering your feelings as much as you are considering your own.
If he chooses to stay with you, then he has made a wise decision. You are an incredible and patient woman for handling such a difficult and painful situation. But also consider how this would affect your relationship and be prepared for the repercussions of such changes.(i.e. trust, closeness, empathy...)
The only thing to do in the meantime is to wait and consider what your move will be as a result. Try to give up hope but at the same time, put yourself first.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2008): Sweetheart I am sending you a big virtual (((hug))) because I have been in your position and know how awful and painful it is. This man clearly had real feelings for you to pursue you for so long. Step back a little (which will be really hard, I know) and if he truly loves you, then you are the one he will be with. X
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