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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I just realized that I am unsatisfied during sex with my b/f of 2 years and I know why.... I'm not sure if he tries to be so gentle with me because I was in an abusive relationship or if this is just the WAY HE has sex.He is always so GENTLE. I want to be touched a little rougher, like passionate. I don't know how to tell him this because I don't want him to feel inadequate IF this is just the way he has sex. He came over today to have sex and dinner because he has been working all week and we haven't been together (sexually/intimately). He made sure before sex that I was relaxed because initially when we get in bed I ALWAYS can't catch my breath. It takes a few minutes for me to relax. So he asked are you relaxed now?? I started kissing him a little bit harder than usual and he didn't do it back, he just starting biting my lips gently etc. I felt like stopping in the middle and saying okay this isn't working and YOU HAVE TO BE FEELING IT TOO.He left and I started crying, thinking - could this be possible, is it possible he isn't the one for me? Because I know I hear people say if you are this dissatisfied early on, things only get worse. I want to talk to him about it. I asked him before he left if he loved me and he made me look at him and said that he does. He asked why I was asking and I didn't like to say - because it feels like the sex isn't working and I was wondering if you feel it too? I think that he thinks it is great because when we were done he said "that was wonderful" and he is not the type to JUST say stuff he doesn't mean.How can I approach this?
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female
reader, Amberr  +, writes (22 April 2009):
wow gurl. your situation is a toughyy..i think that you should tell him straight up that you want it to be rougher. What you should do is put on a porno & say something like "lets do what there doing.." & if he does have sex with you the same way (gently) then theres a problem & you need to discuss it with him, but if he does go harder then you know theres nothin wrong
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): You can't expect him to read your mind. Just tell him. But not in a big deal "we need to talk" kind of way. Trust me, in terms of relationship problems, this is an easy one.Look, I'm like you... I like it rough too. The more aggresive, the better for me. So, one day I just said to my bf over the phone, "Hey, you'd know what I love? I would love it if you were to just throw me, tear off my clothes and just pound the hell out of me." Believe me, a little blunt, dirty talk does a whole lot to get your point across.Or, another thing I do, is in the middle of... intimacies, I just say, "Harder!" or "Faster" or... well, let's just say other more colorful language that I prefer not to use here. You get my meaning. Anyway, all I'm saying is just tell him... and if you tell him at the right time, it'll turn him on and spur him on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): You need to tell him. I need you to be more agressive. Tell him not all the time but once in awhile I'd like you to "take what you want" be a little harder with me, I won't break. I had a guy like that. I loved him very much. And I have learned that you need to say what you need. He will probably understand and try. If you are both adults. Which it says your in the 26-29. Then he should understand and just try. SHOW him what you want from him. And if after that it doesn't work right well, you know.
good luck!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): You are going to have to encourage him to be rougher with you, say things like "it makes me feel so sexy when you...." you are going to have to guide him so that he understands at times you want something more passionate.. Or say things like "dont you want to rip off my clothes with your teeth" Perhaps he is afraid of getting rough cos he doesnt want to hurt you, maybe thinks 'romatic' is what you want whereas 'passionate' is what you want. And unless you gently guide him, hes not going to know what you want.
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