A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for one year, faithful the entire time. Even before we became serious, I was not with anyone else (he was). He has also spent the past few months attacking my past and telling me the most hurtful things about the 'size' of my genitalia, that it's too stretched out and accuses me of cheating on him on a daily (sometimes bi-daily basis). It has hurt me to the core of who I am and in some ways hurts me more than actually being cheated on (as I was years ago and still remember the pain).I never have, nor would I ever.My last gyno exam, I had the standard STD screening just to be healthy, I was not worried about anything and figured "what the heck". Everything was normal, no problems. I was with my now-ex-boyfriend at the time and we broke up soon thereafter. Therefore, the only person I have been with is my current beau. I had a yearly exam just two weeks ago and the results of the pap smear have come back irregular and I have to go in again for more extensive screening/HPV tests. I want to tell my beau about it and explain to him that I am concerned because he has never been tested and when I told him (months ago) that I had been before we started dating, he called me a wh*re and said that a person only gets tested if they think something is wrong (not the case at all). He has been with over 50 women and yet calls me a dirty person and accuses me of infidelity despite the pain that he sees it causes me. I am just scared to present this problem to him because he will think that it means that I have been unfaithful to him and he won't understand that what is really going on is that it would only make sense that he was the one who could have given me HPV if that is indeed what it is. Suggestions? Please help, really really need the advice!
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (23 February 2009):
 You need to break up with him. He's been abusing you, and he's a creep. I know it's hard to leave a relationship, but if you stay eventually you'll look back and wish you could have back the time you lost. Everyone deserves a loving companion.
Tisha-1 is right that you have two problems. You need to end this relationship with this loser. Any girl deserves better than a jerk like that.
The medical problem is something that needs to be dealt with as well. Your health comes first. I would talk to a nurse practicioner, nurse, or doctor for advice about what to do regarding that.
If he thinks that you've been unfaithful to him, that's his problem. After the way he treated you, I wouldn't care what he thought about me.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 February 2009):
 I don't like to hear that you are frightened to tell what has happened with your test. You do see that he's abusive, don't you?
I think it would be a good idea to contact your doctor's office and ask to speak with the nurse practioner or physician's assistant. Explain the problem that you're facing, about the HPV diagnosis and how you are scared of telling your partner. Ask if there is any way that they could notify him for you; perhapys you could bring him in with you, saying that you'd been instructed to do so by the doctor. If he's confronted with the medical facts, the reality of HPV, he'll snap out of whatever delusional thinking he's got going on. I doubt it, however. Although if he's told it can lead to genital cancer in men, maybe that would make him sit up and take notice? (It's a low number though.)
So I would still contact the doctor's office to see if they have any literature on the subject that would help you explain this to him.
Personally, I would be making plans to end the relationship with him; if I lived with him, I would be looking for another place to live now. Any man who denigrates you and makes the most absurd, abusive and insulting comments should be dumped, ASAP! Please read the links that you have been given and be sure to be safe.
http://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/hpv-genital-warts/hpv-virus-men
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Pertinent paragraphs for you:
How to Manage HPV in a Relationship
If a man's long-term sexual partner has HPV, chances are good HPV transmission has already occurred and he also has it. HPV in men may clear from the body more easily than in women. Women, in general, often clear the virus in two years or less.
The HPV types associated with cervical cancer usually do not cause health problems for a heterosexual man having sex with an HPV-infected woman.
If a partner has HPV, it does not necessarily mean they have had sex with someone else recently. The virus can lay dormant in the body for years without causing noticeable symptoms.
How to Prevent Transmission of HPV
Abstinence is the only sure way to prevent HPV transmission. Risk of transmission can be lowered if a person has sex only with one person who is not infected and who is monogamous.
To lower the risk of HPV transmission, men can also limit the number of sex partners and pick partners who have had few or no partners in the past.
Condoms can provide some protection against HPV transmission. But they aren't 100% effective, since HPV is transmitted primarily by skin-to-skin contact. The virus can still infect the skin uncovered by the condom.
In a recent study of young women who had just become sexually active, those whose partners used a condom each time they had sex were 70% less likely to get an HPV infection than were women whose partners used a condom less than 5% of the time.
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You have two problems: one is the medical one, which is serious and deserves your immediate attention. The other is that you are in a relationship with an abusive man. That one is probably more difficult for you to deal with; if you're scared to tell him something like this, well, then that speaks volumes about what kind of man he is.
Please take good care of yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009): This situation is all kinds of wrong.
Why are you with a guy that is verbally/emotionally abusing you, one who could have given you an std and one you are scared to talk to?
He is a horrible bastard and he's ruining your life, mentally, emotionally and now possibly physically.
He's spent half of your relationship breaking you down and criticizing you, the woman he's supposed to love.
Why are you putting up with that? You can't and will never be able to change him, time to leave before he completely shatters you.
Somebody posted this before and I think it explains a lot, better than I ever could.
http://www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/IdentifyingLosers.html
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A
female
reader, bitch +, writes (23 February 2009):
Your boyfriend doesn't trust you and that is HIS problem not yours. If he can't trust you and you have been faithful, you need to end this relationship. It will never work because he is just suspicious by nature for whatever reason. It will cause you problems throughout your relationship. He won't change my dear. It isn't worth the aggravation. There are nice guys out there that will trust you and love you.
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