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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: I've been great friends with the most amazing guy for 9 months now, and just this past month, we acknowledged the mutual attraction and got past the age difference: he's 22 and I'm 53. I've been involved with a lot of younger men (my ex-husband was 6 years younger), but this was waaay beyond anything I'd ever considered! Our empathy and compatibility is amazing, and we keep finding ever more interests and things in common that just go on and on. It seems our friends had been seeing this handwriting on the wall long before we did. My 22-year-old goddaughter thinks he's utterly right for me. This looks long term, and it's scary/exciting thinking that far ahead. But whoah, meeting his mom is going to be difficult. Any tips? I think I am going to tell her how much I love her son... and he's the most amazing man I've ever met. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (10 November 2009):
 I think before you start to get in too deep, you need to have a very long honest chat about where you want this relationship to go.
At the moment, he is a young, carefree 22 year old, just starting out in the adult world, at the beginning of the long road to build a career, a family life, and to create everything in his future.
Now, I can tell you now, that no 22 year old man, is going to be thinking about the future. He is living for the now, and going by the 22 year olds that I know, is not looking for commitment, and will probably sleep with anything that offers. Would you be ok if he was just using you to say that he pulled an "older woman"?
What if he is looking for commitment?
You are 53 - have you been married before? Do you have children? Have you, been there, done that, got the t-shirt, so to speak? Would you want to go there again?
So what about him? Does he want to marry, does he want children of his own? If yes, can you give these things to him.
At 53, does he understand you are old enough to be his mother? When you hit retirement, he will still be 34. When he hits retirement, you will be over 90. I am assuming that you wouldnt want any more children at this age? So does he understand that if he commits to you, then he is unlikely to father his own children? At 22 he probably doesnt even consider this idea, but in 10 yrs time, will he be resentful of you?
You say you have been great friends for a while, but only now acknowledged mutual attraction...... mutual attraction does not a long term relationship make. Yes it is important, but a relationship needs to be based on so many other things.
You have only been dating a month - that is a short time in anyones book (regardless of age, or how long you have been friends) to be telling your boyfriends mother that you love their son. Have you even slept with him yet? I want you to look at this from his mothers viewpoint. How would you feel if your child told you this?
In fact, I would go so far as to say how do you know you love him? Is it actually him you love, or the idea of a younger man being besotted with you? I am sure this situation is filled with excitement, and sexual tension, because it is so unusual. It is all a novelty at the moment. All he can see is you, and you him. But what happens when this wears off? He is 22.... he is going to want to do 22 yr old boy things. Will he really want to take you along, and would you be happy with him going? You want to stay at home, he wants to go out on the razzle with his mates... what do you do? Do you go with him, and act like his mum? Do you join in, and people think you are trying to be a teenager again? Do you not let him go and treat him like a child?
I dont want to sound rude, but I think you really need to look deep into this to find out if your feelings are "true" or if they are based purely on the situation. Having a much younger guy chasing you must be very flattering, especially after a divorce...BUT what are his motives?
I urge you to take off any rose coloured glasses and look at this from an objective perspective. Yes, many age gap relationships work, but more do not.
It is so easy to get overcome by the physical and emotional rollercoaster of love and sex, and to get carried away in the moment.
Go into this with your eyes wide open, knowing the potential problems, and also that 22 year old men are fickle, and he may well be gone when a pretty younger girl crosses his path. Can you deal with that?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2009): personally, i wouldn't go for it. even though you guys may have some intense feelings for each other, society and such things don't agree. if he were older, it might be a little more acceptable. but i think itll be hard for both of you, especially with his family to deal with. it might cause trouble for his family, especially if he's an only child and their only son is with a woman around their age.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (9 November 2009):
 ps
do remember though that 22 year olds tend to be naive and optimistic with very little life experience. i know that's refreshing, but you need to deal very responsibly with someone this young.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (9 November 2009):
I can't quite picture this. I guess you must be young for your age, which is good, and if he is happy with this, and you are, then that's all fine. His mum will have a difficult time, though. I guess she might want her son to have children. Do you have any children?
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