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female
,
anonymous
writes: After a few years in a relationship, my boyfriend dumped me for someone new. Their relationship has never worked out well, but they still see each other irregularly. Meanwhile, he and I have transitioned into best friends. Here's my dilemma. Since we first became involved and into present time, we've always promised each other an exotic vacation together. Two weeks ago, he tells me he's taking this woman to the Carribean for a week. He couldn't understand why this would hurt me. He's suddenly extending invitations for weekend get-aways. Was he wrong? Is he feeling guilty? Should I NOT be hurt over what happened? I'm having trouble getting past this. Our friendship has become strained. Thanks.
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female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (14 April 2006):
 Hi,
You have every right to feel hurt as you were deeply involved with him and this has obviously brought back old times and memories. Don't let it get to you. it's in the past and do you know what I'd do? Go on an exotic Holiday to the Carribean all by myself, send him a lovely postcard and meet someone else on Holiday!
You Go Girl, tell me how the holiday goes!
I'm always here for you,
Phoebe
xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2006): You have to make a clear distinction here, hun. You claim to be best friends, but you are acting like he's still your lover. If you and your ex have reached a place of peaceful co-existence and mutual respect, that's nice but is being friends with him, really working out? You are still experiencing strong emotions like you did, in your relationship. From my standpoint, it's as if you have expectations and needs in this 'friendship' that is making it hard for you to fully let go and move on. He's dating another woman which he's planning a trip with and now you are hurt, because he's not taking you. He has every right to go ahead with this trip and he takes whom he wants to. Put yourself in his shoes. You're planning a exotic holiday..who would you rather take? Your romantic partner or your friend? Friendships require understanding, respect and sometimes, breathing room. Let him conduct his new relationship without the stress load of trying to please you. His new love interest takes priority. All travel plans you made with him when you were in a love relationship together and even in this friendship-come after, his committment to her. Take him up on his offer to do a weekend trip and just appreciate the nice friendship, you two share but understand the boundries of 'friendship' and respect his new relationship. Don't allow this 'freindship' prevent YOU from having a deep, lasting involvement with someone else. If this is happening to you, get out there, have fun and date. And realize, dear that sometimes former lovers don’t always make good best friends because it can and will interfere with subsequent relationships. This could be what he's feeling if you mention that your friendship is strained. It may be time to break the connection to him..or ease back. Good luck, hun and take care.
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