A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Okay, I've been going out with this guy for around 3 and a half months (4 if you count me going on holiday, but we kept in touch through email). I'm crazy about him and I thought he was crazy about me. Since I got back from holiday we've had some good times together. At the moment, he's going through a lot of stresses (he is behind on his studies, he might have to sell his house, someone just stole some money from his bank account) and he's decided he can't see me until all of it is sorted out. In his words it might take take "weeks or months". I've offered to travel to his area so we could spend even 30 mins together but he's not even comfortable with that. We haven't seen each other in weeks. He says he's not a fun person to be around when stressed and not very sociable.I don't understand this at all. He realizes it hurts me and apologizes and would understand if I break up with him because he's going to be an inattentive boyfriend(when I asked him if HE wants to break up with me).I'm sad and confused. Is this his way of saying he wants some space? He has said it was his fault that his last relationship collapsed (for the same reason). That he can't sustain a relationship in very stressful situations.Am I demanding too much? Please help!!
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female
reader, DeepBlueSkies +, writes (17 October 2008):
Thanks again, rhythmandblues2! I will let you know what happens xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): You move on from this by getting on with your own life. Decide to put yourself first in this situation as he is giving you little.....get some hobbies, new friends, a new hairstyle a new job what ever it takes to get you energized and move forward with your life.
It is a sad fact that human beings want what they cannot have, you may feel most of your attraction because this guy is elusive. It works the same way for him. You don't have to break up with him, as I don't think he sees you as his girlfriend, just be less available and make him work to have access to you. Don't answer every call, don't go out with him on the day he chooses, you pick the day and time instead by giving him a choice of two. Men like to set think they are setting the pace of a relationship so let him do all the contact and calling and texting, and then play a little hard to get, or a little less available and really schedule things that you want to do and won't give up to have a date with him....he will be intrigued and respect you more. This may or may not work to get him to step up to the plate...that all depends on where he is in his life and how ready and willing he is to be in a relationship....this isn't about you, honey, it is about him not being able to commit.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): Thanks, rhythmandblues2. We might as well be in a long distance relationship. We live almost 2 hours away from each other. But I don't have a problem going to his area during the weekend to spend time with him for an hour or so. The thing is, when I do go there, I end up staying at his place for the whole weekend so maybe he anticipates that.
I have tried to refrain myself from texting him/emailing him but can't resist 1 email or text per day! I've thought about breaking up with him and asking him to contact me when he's ready to give me time but I don't want to lose him. How can I move on from this??
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): It doesn't sound to me like you are demanding enough. He has some stresses, booo hoooo, so do you and he is one of them.
It sounds as if you are in a long distance relationship? It seems to me that he is trying to let you down easy, he doesn't want a girlfriend right now because as he has told you he doesn't deal well with stress and he has a lot right now, and a long distance girlfriend is not on his radar.....I would back off, give him the space, don't text email or call him, let him call you even if it takes a month...get on with your life, tell him you are sorry he doesn't have time or energy for you, but you will be staying busy with your own life and hope that he will want to join you in your wonderful life instead of wallowing in his pathetic one.....hold your head up girl and don't let the chickens get you down because that is what he is a big chicken....
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