A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidFor a long time I have really liked a man I went to school with, we got on well, he always flirted and I thought at the time it meant he liked me so asked him out. He declined me without much reason but carried on flirting.In the last few weeks he started really coming on strong, when I confronted him with why he had suddenly changed tact he suddenly admitted he was bisexual and had been in a relationship with a man for the past 2 years that had just ended.After a few weeks of me holding back as I was very very wary he asked me to stay at his house after a night out, me sleeping in the same bed as him on my own (clothed), i agreed and we ended up cuddling up, groping each other and kissing, but we didnt go any further, he seemed very adversed to going any further just yet.He lives with the man he split up with and he said it was because he felt guilty doing it just yet but would do eventually.I felt great at the time coming out of the house, but slowly doubts placed in my mind over whether this guy is using me. My friends told me to be very wary of him saying things like 'once a gay always a gay', but he seemed far from gay that night.I dont know what to think or what to do about it all.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (22 July 2007):
 It sounds like this guy has more issues than he can deal with right now. He cannot commit to you fully or even make you feel like you are number 1 in his life because he isn't sure what, or who he wants. He may say he has split from this guy he was with, but why is he rushing into a relationship with you???, is he just trying to 'test the dating water'? just to see how he feels? and do you really wanna be the guinea pig?...no you don't. Also why does he feel guilty about having sex with someone else when hes not with the guy anymore???
I am not saying this guy definitely doesn't want to be with you, he may really enjoy your company and see you as someone he can confide in but he is giving you mixed messages and thats not good for you or your self esteem.
Back right off from him, tell him you will give him some space to sort out his emotions and feelings and also give him time to get over the previous partner. Be supportive but don't get into anymore clinches with him. I know this might be difficult as you obviously like him, but is this how you would let other guys treat you? Is it how you would let one of your girlfriends guys treat her?
If this guy is really serious about you, he will sort out his problems and come back to you with a clean slate, an open heart and a potential for something good to happen, without his ex's standing in the way.
Bide your time girl!!! and if its a non starter...move on and find happiness somewhere else.
best of luck
Aunty Em x
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