A
female
age
30-35,
*izza123
writes:Me and my boyfriend were doing great.. we had been together 4 months and I couldn't have been happier. Then he dropped abit of a bombshell, he could never really feel anything for me because he was still in love with his ex gf... we went through a ruff week of emotion and at the end of it he said he was guna try really hard for me. Things were good for awhile but then started going down hill again. He ended up breaking up with me around 3 weeks ago, said it wasn't fair on me for us to be together, that he was still Hung up on his ex and can't get out of it. I was/am crushed. We talked about it abit and even though it killed me to say it I told him to try again with his ex, he said "she doesn't want me" I am so in love with him. I don't no what to do. I want to be with him so much :( help?
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (25 August 2010):
 There is not a lot we can do on here to help you I am afraid, nor is there anything you can do to make the situation better.
He loves his ex, not you. Simple as that. You cannot be in a relationship with a guy who loves another girl instead of you - and your boyfriend realised this so he did the right thing and ended it. You cannot force him to stop having feelings for her, you cannot make him get over her any faster, you cannot make him love you. So really there is nothing you can do apart from try to start getting over him.
You need to let go now - stop holding onto any hope that you will be together ever again. Until you give up on the idea of getting back together, you will never start to get over him. So accept it that it is over for good, and there is no going back. Cut off contact with him as well, the more time you spend with him or if you keep on talking you will never give yourself the distance you need from him to get over him. So delete his phone no, his Facebook, his email etc and ask him not to contact you either as you need to move on.
It will hurt for quite some time I'm afraid, break-ups are never easy and they are painful. But if there is one good thing you were only together for 4 months so you have not had time to develop a really strong bond or deep feelings for him. I know it seems like you love him and yes I'm sure you do, but after 4 months it is still only an infatuation and a superficial sort of love that is much easier to get over, than say a relationship of 2 years where you have been through a lot together and your love has been tested.
So first of all, accept it is over and allow yourself some space from him. Breaking up is often like grieving for someone who has died - so allow yourself to cry, to feel rubbish, to be angry...etc. Dont hold anything in - sit and cry alone in your room if that is what you need to do. And once you have let all your emotions out, then you will gradually (with time) start to feel better.
Sorry there is no hope I can offer you, but at least your boyfriend was good enough to be honest with you and do the right thing. You deserve someone who loves YOU, not someone else. So keep telling yourself it is for the best, and one day you will find a guy who worships the ground you walk on and could never imagine loving anyone else but you.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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