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female
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anonymous
writes: I met a bloke in work 7 months ago, we started seeing each other but he had recently come out of a relationship. soon after we finished because he said he was scared about how quickly he had feelings for me and wasn't ready for all that. anyway we continued to occasionally meet up. he always told me he was confused and that he thought he may be in love with me. anyway, he told me at xmas that he missed his ex so i advised him to speak to her which he did and she didn't want to know. now we are together which kind of makes me second best but i love him. when i told him i loved him he said he didn't feel the same yet and wasn't comfortable with me telling him my feelings, he says he wants to take things slow and isn't sure he can get his head around being with the same person right now for the rest of his life?
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female
reader, juliagulia  +, writes (3 March 2006):
 I think you deserve better than this. This guy is very confused and should probably spend some time alone thinking things through. He definitely doesn't sound as if he is ready to be with you. I don't think you are necessarily "second best" - he probably does have feelings for you and his ex and just needs to sort it all out, which he is never going to do unless he spends some time being single. It sounds like he just doesn't want to be alone and has no idea what to do or who to love. And why should you wait around for him to figure out what he wants when you know what you want - to love someone and be loved in return. There are a lot of great guys out there who could give you that without all the ex-gf drama.
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