A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone! My hubby has been unemployed for over a year. Last summer I encouraged him to apply for a good job I knew he wanted... and today we got the news that he got it and he starts on Monday!! Exciting, right? Well... I was excited at first then i started thinking that money isnt really an issue even woth just me working and that I loved having him around the house and that I loved spending all my time off with him. Now he’ll be worning on my day off and we wont be able to spend as much time together. am an awfully selfish bi**ch, I understand that by just writing this. He is real excited and I know he suffered while he was unemployed as he felt like he lacked purpose and wanted to contribute to our home income... but I am especially worried now that he might meet someone he likes better than me and leave me. I know this is so childish, but it happens all the time!!! I cannot stand the thought of him starting to build relationships (even as mere colleagues) with other women. People cheat a lot in workplaces and it happens all the time that the old wife gets left behind. Dont get me wrong, I do trust him a lot, our relationship is strong, we are very much in love... but... but temptation is always around the corner! I sound so childish! I even regret helping him get the job now...! I am so scared, please help me and dont judge my being a selfish child.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 October 2017):
 You say you trust him but how on earth can you when you are thinking like this? You should be supporting him and encouraging him to do well, not sit at home living off the state! Honestly you need to be less clingy and controlling or else you will loose him.
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (1 October 2017):
You need help. I'm not judging or trying to be funny but jealousy such as yours can wreck a marriage even a strong one.
You either trust your husband or you don't and you don't which is sad. It sounds as if you have a solid loving relationship with your husband. You also seem very insecure. Perhaps you should talk to a professional. Perhaps he or she can help you get to the root of your insecurity and thereby overcome it.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (30 September 2017):
 You don't trust him. You think you trust him, it you don't or you know he'd never cheat, regardless of who he works with.Wanting him not to have female friends or mere professional relationships with women is controlling and bordering on abusive, so you need to get your insecurities in check. It's a good start to recognise that it's selfish.Please find a therapist to work on your insecurities because you will drive him away and cause resentment or make yourself paranoid.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (30 September 2017):
Men's egos and happiness are often wrapped around their careers and what financial contributions they make to their families. Now that he's working, he will likely be a happier person and will again have the opportunity (by being a bread winner) to be your hero.
You two sound like you get along great! So he must love you a lot. As you note, the problem here is your own insecurities, which can be very difficult to work thru. He wants you to be happy about his work so let him know that you are. Don't do things that will make him think that you are suspicious about his work relationships...unless you have good reason to do so, don't be one of those partners who goes searching thru his phone and computer for signs of infidelity. Enjoy his job with him. You'll likely soon see that he works at his job and keeps his loving for you.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (30 September 2017):
 In my experience, people who have too much time on their hands and who need their ego boosting are far more likely to have an affair than people going to work.
Of course he MIGHT meet someone he fancies. Just because he is married to you does not make him blind or immune to the attraction of others, just as I am sure you sometimes see men and think "Wow! He's gorgeous!" That doesn't mean you will do anything about it. Window shopping is harmless as long as we don't try to buy the goods. If your relationship is strong, then he will just look but not do anything about it.
Why not plan something nice for when you are both off, something you will both enjoy? Say a week-end away, or a meal in a nice restaurant, or whatever it is you will both enjoy.
Now he is working, he will be a happier person in himself and, in my experience, must LESS likely to cheat than when he was unhappily unemployed and feeling "useless".
See him off with a smile on your face, then welcome him back with another smile and ask him about his day. Be happy for him and it will all be ok.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 September 2017):
 You know what's going on.
And yes, you are being selfish, controlling and insecure.
You need to SUPPORT him with your whole heart for FINALLY getting out there. It will do him good. Not only the "having a job", the "feeling useful" and the social aspect as well.
People do cheat - not just in the workplace. IF they WANT to cheat, they will cheat.
You need to realize that you can't control everything. IF you husband is someone who WANTS to cheat, whose eyes and mind strays he can do it while NOT having a job as easily as while having a job.
You can't lock him up in your house (so to speak) because YOU fear he might cheat. That is ridiculous and unfair.
Either you TRUST your husband or you don't.
It's that simple.
Be proud of him. SHARE his accomplishments.
Maybe with this new job, there will be a little extra cash for romantic weekend getaways.
Remember you CAN NOT control others. Not what they do, say, feel or think. ALL you can control is how you react to it - right now? Your reaction is way out of line.
Has he cheated before? If not... WHY is this your focus right now? Him possibly cheating?
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