A
female
age
30-35,
*MxDreams
writes:So me and my boyfriend have dated for a while now and have been pretty serious. He's started bringing up moving and getting married-I previously got out of an engagement with someone I was with for a few years and it makes me nervous.But with this it comes the fact that I know he isnt sexually attracted to me and I feel weird because its what a lot of friends have complained about.Yes, I'm thankful he's that attracted to my personality and trusts me but it's nice to feel sexy and sexually wanted, right?Not the reliable, obviously would be a good wife and take care of me type of person. Its how everyone has seen me because I'm responsible with almost everything and even when I was in highschool took care of people and I guess as they put it I act 'motherly' which is also depressing since I can't have children because I have this weird hormonal thing I can't spell that 1/100000 people get or something like that. But with that Im usually an optimistic person, cry easily and get frustrated. I take care of myself but I don't mind the fact he's wanting to take care of me which I'm not used to. I'm the weird type of person that even though Im serious a lot and people come to me for advise I'm silly, meow and make animal noises, cuddle up with my female friends and wear animals ears. I watch anime/cartoons and play video games aswell as cook and enjoy cleaning. Yet, I'm not sexually attractive though I'm not horrible looking. I have low self esteem but I know I'm not horrible looking atleast. But i'm 5'10, average weight and flat chested and he's always been into short girls with short hair and child-like features. (No he isnt a pedo.)But I just dont know what to think or what to do. Especially since he's been talking and hinting at marriage and getting a place together. I was miserable at my job and we got talking and he wanted me to quit because it was making me depressed and wanted to take care of what little bills I had. But I've always believed there has to be two parts, they have to be sexually attracted and emotionally/mentally attracted. Otherwise they may stray.Is that true? What should I do? He gets irritated at times if I talk about it because I've always acted like it didnt bother me but it just plays into my own insecurities regarding it. He always promises that he wont stray that he loves me but also says if I were to stray that no matter what he'd stay with me. he says its because love doesnt end, that because I was in bed with someone else it wouldnt matter alsong as it was him that my heart belonged to and he who I would run to and love and be with at the end of the day. Because love is unconditional.Just dont know what to think.
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female
reader, HMxDreams +, writes (8 February 2013):
HMxDreams is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do enjoy sex with him and it doesnt take things like that to get him turned on. Just snuggling up to him or he'll see me working on something and come over and start hugging and kissing me.
Though he says his views of sex has nothing to do with love or making love but he can't see himself having and enjoying sex with someone he didnt have some feelings for.
We had a conversation about it being refered to as "making love" because one of my exes which I have no intimate history with used to stress the saying.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 January 2013):
 I believe if you love someone unconditionally, you will love their bodies too. You sound fine to me. A lot of men are not physically my type but I can enjoy sex with a lot of them and I can make them feel wanted. Do you enjoy sex with him? Or must he fantasize about hello kitty girls to get turned on?
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A
female
reader, HMxDreams +, writes (28 January 2013):
HMxDreams is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe knows marriage is a touchy subject for me for many reasons but something he finds cute. As for kids, he isnt sure about them but always reminds me that there are ways around it. (Everyone does that.)I honestly don't mind feeling a little dependant on the guy, since I always have a way out regardless of the situation and can get back on my own two feet. And it's not an open relationship he's looking for, he doesnt want me to go sleep with other guys but he's confusing at the same time. He gets a uptight when one of our male friends snuggles up to me and acts goofy and flirts. (I only like this guy as a friend). I have also told my boyfriend flat out that I do not want him sleeping with other women, which I know he doesnt have time for currently since he's always at work, with me, or with friends. And at work I go visit him constantly on his request. (Hes overnight security.) Or randomly drop by with food. With his friends Im usually with him or one of his friends will tell me if he so much as jokes about another female (which isnt a problem for me, guys joke and will make comments) and Im usually with him when hes with friends. When I leave, he asks where I'm going but thats it- which is touchy for me to do because my ex fiance was over controlling and would time me being out of the house. But my boyfriend doesnt do that. He just explains he wants to know just in case something happened or I wanted him to tag along later.But Im against open relationships and swingers.It works for them, but not me. And I've told him this. We have some friends that are swingers. We've had a lot of issues in the past that sent up red flags. But honestly he's a good guy with good intentions that gets selfish at times and is childish. he can handle my arguments and meet me toe to toe on them. He's as bull headed and stubborn as I am which causes issues but normally after a few min of arguing over something stupid it ends up with us laughing. I mean sometimes he's okay with everything and sometimes he's distant. But I dont think I should have to dress up to get him turned on. As much as I enjoy wearing skirts and dresses I'm not the type for that to be my normal or only attire. When I get mad I get a southern accent which annoys him. I dress in cowboy boots and jeans and go out to my horses and roll around with my dogs. I play video games and love wearing sweats or shorts. I know he can be immature about a LOT of things and I dont know at times if its just my fear of having to start over again or what.But in this aswell we live in a small city- if you'd call it a city.Seriously, my ex fiance is dating his ex gf. My ex from highschool was friends with my ex fiance. My ex fiance did police explorers with my boyfriend. My boyfriend played cards with my ex from college. I almost got raped by someone from college that was bestfirends with my cousin and my cousins fiance. Who knows my other ex boyfriend. My boyfriend is also close friends with my best friend and her husband and was written as the god father and me as god mother if something happened (ironically we didnt know eachother at the time... my friend is just odd). Both of our parents have people who will tell them things if they see stuff. His sister was my boss.Small town. I wouldnt ever be able to unconnect myself from him and restart if it came to that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2013): So this guy is not physically attracted to you. And if you cheated on him. He would forgive you because of 'unconditional love'. That reads. If he cheats on you, you have to forgive him if you really love him. He is physically/sexually attracted to childlike women and you don't describe yourself as one BUT you display some childlike qualities. Making animal noises, cuddling your girlfriends and wearing kiddies animal ears no doubt. So you will tick that personality box for him just not the physical/sexual box too. He is trying to make you dependant on him by telling you to quit your job. Personally I would not leave your employment or become dependant on this guy. He has a lot of issues and if be doesnt cheat on you, he will still ultimately make you unhappy because he does not desire you. You might think you can live with that but it will become a problem if not for you then for him.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (28 January 2013):
I don't know if he is hinting at open relationships here. A lot of men suggest them, then get upset when the women do have sex with other men. Has he actually said that you are not attractive, or is this your own thinking? Is not being able to have children a deal breaker for him?
I don't see him as very serious. It's the things he talked about. He wants to sound wise. He copies what other people say but without having actually experience the real deal he doesn't really know what he's talking about. It's not uncommon that men will talk about grand things like marriage and kids without having the actual intention. So don't worry about it until he actually books a hotel for the wedding.
Love is not unconditional because in a marriage your spouse should be priority. If it is unconditional it means you can love whoever, whenever and marriage will lose its meaning. If you want to love only one person unconditionally, it means you don't cause jealousy by having sex with other people.
Don't focus too much on what he wants. Think about whether you really like him. Don't just like someone because they like you enough. Most importantly don't get married just because a man wants to marry you.
Sex appeal is not about size of boobs. It exudes from your insides. You have to like yourself first. Your body shape is similar to Charlize Theron. With make up I am sure your features will be enhanced.
I don't think you are ready for marriage. You should not be with a man who does not want you sexually. Open relationships are not cures to fix the problem. You should be with someone who finds you attractive. First you have to feel attractive because you can't always depend on the other person to do that for you.
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