A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi my man is not very social. he is awkward in social situations and around my friends. when we are alone he is so nice and chatty and outgoing. it feels like he has a split personality. its especially hard when my friends etc are like "why are you with him" they cant see how nice he is cos he hides it from them! i'm not really sure what the issue is...but feel i have to keep justifying his social awkwardness so that people understand why i like him so much. annoys me that he wont "open" to other people...and its getting really hard and taking a strain on the relationship. its not just about "us" its about everyone we care about and at the moment he can't relate to all the people i care about. anyone feel the same or have advice? thanks. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks so much guys. this has helped heaps! i know he is a lovely guy and love him to bits. i agree i would rather he was honest than "fake" around people. cheers all!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): how about appreciating just who he is and stop juding him for not fitting in socailly. if your friends are more important than him then maybe you are the wrong one for him. trust and acceptance is what you have displayed toward him so far . heis comfortable and easy going around you. maybe slowly introduce him to a few friends at a time, not the flirty showy kind, maybe the more conservative ones (if any) forst. and then take it slow. maybe they judge him. better have a quiet one than the love em up type that cons everyone all the time. maybe this quiet one is a keeper in the long run?
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A
male
reader, rocknroll  +, writes (8 June 2009):
Well first, you need to discuss this with him, and explain your concerns and that you still love him. Find out how he feels about it and whether or not it is something he would like to change. If he does, maybe there is a course at a school he can take to work on his social skills. You could also participate, but that may not be a good idea in case he gets embarrassed.
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A
female
reader, AshB0 +, writes (8 June 2009):
Is he just shy? I myself am very shy around new people. But with the people I know best they cant shut me up.
Say Im around my best mates I will be chatting away and then a new unfamiliar person comes into the room and I will fall dead quiet.
Its just a self confidence thing. Believe me I would change in an instant if I could! I need to work on mine and maybe he needs to work on his too. Just encourage him as much as you can. Maybe you could go as far to start up a conversation for him to begin with. Like pick a topic you know he likes and start talking about it with a friend, and then make him join in. It will help in the long run because when he sees that person again he will feel like he has something to talk to them about. Does this make sense? Hope i helped a bit!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): I'll tell you what happened,
you have gained his trust. He feels able and willing to open up completely to you and show his fun, friendly, and outgoing side.
But as for the rest of the world, he doesn't trust them as much. So he presents them the safer image, the guarded one.
I've seen this, and it most likely means your man is very very honest. The more "ambiguously truthful" types have no problem projecting openness to someone they don't trust, true, but are they truly being genuine? No, not at the heart of it, no..
So, I would advise you bring your friends around more, the ones you really care about the most, and try to do activities with him and them. Try different things, in various different settings. Eventually he will open up, but they have to earn his trust, because he will not pretend.
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A
male
reader, Kolinsky  +, writes (8 June 2009):
Well, let me just say it's very nice you appreciate who he really is and that you stick with him.
I know what you're talking about especially considering I am pretty socially inadequate myself, but maybe to not such an extent.
There are plenty of ways to get him to open up, but I think you should accept things as they are right now.
And stop giving excuses for liking him. It's your life and it's your friggin' choice after all. I wouldn't care what my friends would think of my girlfriend as long as I'm happy with her and neither should you.
But many girls (over the internet) have said that their boyfriends were shy at first, but eventually opened up to the world.
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