A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm so confused, me and my boyfriend have a relationship of 5 years. When he gets angry he says really hurtful things like " you bitch, your deaf, you dumb slut" he tells me he has a short fuse and can't controll himself.Last night I had enough and explained I was sick and tired of it, we had a huge fight and I told him I feel asif i must walk on egg shells around him to tame his temper. Then he told me I mess with his head and wants to end things.I'm so confused, I don't want our relationship to end but he won't return my calls. I just can't see what iv done wrong! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Lightningrod  +, writes (27 July 2009):
you did nothing wrong. get out. leave him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2009): Being in a past abusive relationship you need to leave. Its never worth it and no one deserves to be treated badly by any means. There is someone who will treat you right out there.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (26 July 2009):
 So, how long do you think it will be before those hurtful words turn into painful punches? Verbally abusive men have control issues and when putting you down with words doesn't work then the abuse can escalate into something more physical. This is why women's aid recognise verbal abuse as being part of domestic violence. You shouldn't be phoning him - he should be apologising to you. He doesn't want to speak to you to maintain a sense of control over the situation. By accepting his abuse you are not helping yourself as it can be very eroding on self esteem, but also you are not helping him. That temper will end up getting him into trouble if he doesn't get treatment for anger management. By going back to him you are sending a clear message - it is ok to treat me like a doormat. Leave the relationship and learn to love yourself enough not to settle for so very little from a relationship.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (26 July 2009):
 he's trying to control you.
a guy like this will never change, & his temper will always be there because he has underlying issues going on in his head.
you need to decide if you want to be with someone who has temper issues and makes you feel as if your walking on egg shells always.
you did the right thing speaking to him, but if wants to break up over this then let him go.
dont even fight for it, he really isnt worth it.
its hard to be strong i know, but you have to think of your own feelings in the long term.
surround yourself with supportive family and or friends.
good luck!
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (26 July 2009):
 You wanna get out of this relationship...!x
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A
female
reader, trotman68 +, writes (26 July 2009):
 If he isnt taking your calls, I know how this feels and it just makes you worse, so you keep calling him and calling him and calling him. He knows you only to well and have you ever thought of taking a different approach in all this?
I wouldn't call him. It gets them thinking and trust me, he will not react at first, but it will make him sit there and start to panic. You have nothing to lose if he isn't taking your calls. Please try it.
Now on the abusive side of things. You have to stop this, when he does it again, ask him to leave and explain that if he cant talk to you with respect, then you have to start a life without him. Another shock. I think where he knows that you love him so much, he thinks you will put up with it, well only you can stop the abuse, you are allowing it. My mum use to say, "You can be a door mat", But "dont let them wipe there feet on you". He will soon stop it, but its time now to stop him from doing this.
Sit him down and tell him that your unhappy with this now and would rather live without him, yes he might walk out, but he will be back. Stop doing the running for awhile. Have a break from that, let him show you what you mean to him
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A
female
reader, trotman68 +, writes (26 July 2009):
If he isnt taking your calls, I know how this feels and it just makes you worse, so you keep calling him and calling him and calling him. He knows you only to well and have you ever thought of taking a different approach in all this?
I wouldn't call him. It gets them thinking and trust me, he will not react at first, but it will make him sit there and start to panic. You have nothing to lose if he isn't taking your calls. Please try it.
Now on the abusive side of things. You have to stop this, when he does it again, ask him to leave and explain that if he cant talk to you with respect, then you have to start a life without him. Another shock. I think where he knows that you love him so much, he thinks you will put up with it, well only you can stop the abuse, you are allowing it. My mum use to say, "You can be a door mat", But "dont let them wipe there feet on you". He will soon stop it, but its time now to stop him from doing this.
Sit him down and tell him that your unhappy with this now and would rather live without him, yes he might walk out, but he will be back. Stop doing the running for awhile. Have a break from that, let him show you what you mean to him
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A
male
reader, Beleren +, writes (26 July 2009):
Lets him go... hes a jerk you should be treated as a princess not some piece of trash
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 July 2009):
 I'm not exactly sure what your question is, but I want you to read this very carefully: http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171 and decide if this applies to you.
Hope you find the peace you are looking for.
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