| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm having a hard time coming to terms with my boyfriend's past. In the beginning, I knew he had been somewhat promiscuous but I didn't know to what extent. I have never been promiscuous myself, although I have had no strings attached sex, only a few times (like 3), and I can honestly say I didn't enjoy it (ie. my body just didn't respond, I didn't orgasm, it was just going through the motions).My boyfriend on the other hand can't remember how many partners he's had, he has slept with different girls each night, had them go back for more, he was a player of sorts, he's slept with perfect 10s (I've seen them), and even had threesomes.We've discussed it, and he's been great, very patient and such. The problem is, I can't seem to get over it. I don't feel grossed out by it, not at all... but, I kinda feel insecure, inadequate, like he's so cool and I'm such a loser, inexperienced and ashamed for that, even ugly. Like I'll never be enough compared to all that.My own past sucks because I never enjoyed sex, and also to think that he's enjoyed so much sex, so many bodies, that he's had so much pleasure is overwhelming and intimidating. I kind of envy him for it. He's had so much fun, and I haven't... not that I ant to go and have tons of sex with strangers, but still... it's like, he's been the best I've had, but I feel for him, I'm just one more. With him I've done things I hadn't done with anyone else before, but for him, nothing is new. He even admitted I wasn't very good sexually in the beginning but I have improved.He says he loves me like he never loved any of those girls and that everything in his past is meaningless. He says it's the same with my past, that it's meaningless for me... yes, it is, but my past sucked, it was boring, I didn't orgasm, I felt no pleasure. Unlike his... I just can't believe he disregards his past like that, I mean, he's done all the things most guys just dream of doing. And he expects me to believe it was nothing? That I'm the best he's had? He says that just because he loves me.I don't know why I feel so awfully about this, why it's so intimidating and why I feel so inadequate. But I do. I know he loves me, I trust him with my soul on that, I know he'd never cheat and he's an awesome boyfriend. I know that if he hadn't had such a past, maybe he'd be a radically different person today. I know that it's good he got all that out of his system so now he can commit. I even believe that it was empty compared to having a loving, fulfilling connection. But this just won't leave my mind.I'm not grossed out or angry, I just don't know how to get over it. I just feel like he's been so special to me, sexually, from the get go, yet for him I'll always just be one more in the countless stream of girls he's been with... he says I'm more special than all of them, but IN MY MIND, I'm not. How could I ever be?
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insecure, orgasm, player, threesome Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (26 February 2014):
Love means a lot when you're having sex. And although I doubt you're the most sexually skilled person he's ever been with, it's certainly possible that the bond he has with you is greater than anyone he's been with, and that can make sex quite a bit more satisfying.
So don't doubt what he's saying just because you're insecure.
Also, guys tend to exaggerate their sex life. He doesn't remember the number he's been with which makes it sound like it's too big to remember, but I too don't remember how many women I've been with, but it's mostly because I have a bad memory. It's definitely not more than 15 though so it's not some ridiculous number.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 February 2014):
 Are you sure you are ready for an intimate sexual relationship with him or anyone?
my body just didn't respond
I didn't orgasm
it was just going through the motions
I kinda feel insecure
inadequate
like he's so cool and I'm such a loser
inexperienced and ashamed for that, even ugly
My own past sucks because I never enjoyed sex
I kind of envy him for it
He's had so much fun, and I haven't
He even admitted I wasn't very good sexually in the beginning but I have improved [Holy smokes, woman, what the hell? He told you weren't very good? What a freaking loser he is!!!]
I don't know why I feel so awfully about this, why it's so intimidating and why I feel so inadequate. But I do.
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You have used words like inadequate, loser, inexperienced, ugly, ashamed, insecure… you haven't enjoyed sex at all and were told by him that you weren't good at it but have 'improved.'
I'm not surprised you are still floundering here.
Please run, don't walk, run, to your medical health professional (gynecologist would be a logical place to start), ask for a referral to a wonderful and caring and special mental health professional and work out why you feel inadequate, ugly, ashamed and insecure….
Go be brave now so you have a long lovely and wonderful love and sex life! Seize the day!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (25 February 2014):
 Here's my "take" on this.....
You've fallen for a Lothario who knows how to sweet-talk girls in to putting out for him.... has done so MANY TIMES before (by his own admission)... and YOU think that YOU are "the one" who is going to break him of that pattern.
HOW CONFIDENT are you? I'll bet that ooodles of those other conquests (girls) thought the same thing....
Good luck...
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