| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I am a 25 year old single mother of one.I have been involved with a man for three months now.This man is so different from the others i've dealt with in my lifetime.First of all he has a 3 year old daughter by a woman he says he was never in love with.This man has never loved a woman he has been with.Actually he has only been in one relationship and that was with his daughter's mom.The other women were just sexual partners but he never loved any of them.It shocked me when he told me he had fallen in love with me because after he told me about his past,I did'nt expect him to.There's something about him that has me puzzled like I afraid to trust him.He makes me feel like no other man has made me feel.My sexual energy is so high with him it's never been that way with any body else.In fact the lack of sex was always a problem in my past.This man tells me what ever I need to hear but he also gets very angry.He curses me out sometimes for no reason he is a very emotional person when one thing makes him mad,everything makes him mad.One good thing that lets me know his feelings is that he keeps some of my clothes in his home and soaps and personal products in his house with no problem.He tells me he loves me when we are on the phone but something is not allowing me to trust him.He is a very sexy man and I'm used to getting all the attention but he gets just as much so I feeling insecure about me and him.He says that it's not all about sex and that we don't need to do it everytime we see each other but I say thats bull because he is a man and men like it more then woman do.I'm so suspicious of him and it's driving me crazy please help me figure some things out.
View related questions:
insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): " This man tells me what ever I need to hear but he also gets very angry.He curses me out sometimes for no reason he is a very emotional person when one thing makes him mad,everything makes him mad ".
After reading your story and all that you have to say,
I belive that you should trust your gut.Something is telling you that you just can't trust him fully.It's an inner voice that you just can't ignore.Infact you SHOULDN'T ignore it at all!
The fact that he tells you whatever you need to hear may not necesarily be healthy.
It is NOT honesty to tell a person everything you think they want to hear.In a relationship it is extremly important to be honest with one another and it doesn't sound like what he is doing is honesty.It sounds like he is just plain and simple telling you what you want to hear so that, perhaps, he can appear like the perfect man.
I see tendencies of abuse in what you have said.
He gets angry and starts cursing at you!
And for NO REASON!
That is NOT the way a loving and caring boyfriend ( or husband )should behave.If something makes him mad then everything else shouldn't make him mad.That is a very unhealthy kind of behaviour and it sounds like he may need
anger manegement.
I have experience with people whom have been in abusive relationships and there are ALWAYS red flags.ALWAYS.
Unfortunatly I see red flags in your story.
You said that one thing that let's you know about how he feels for you is that he keeps some of your things in his home, you should know that that is not a guarantee for safety or love.
If he has treated you with disrespect by cursing etc. for no reason then that is a major red flag.
Maybe you should think of this and ask yourself if this
is the kind of man you want to be with:
1: He makes you feel good but then lashes out at you.
2: When he is angry then everything else makes him angry.
3: Even though he seems "perfect" you have a strong inner
voice that is telling you that something is trully
wrong.Listen to it!There's a reason why it's ringing in
your heart.
Think of that carefully and pray to God for guidence.
Something is not right and your heart is telling you that.
Even though you may have feelings for him, you NEED to be true to yourself for your own sake and for your child.
If he is dangerous, then he will not only hurt you but your child too.
You may be stunned at all that I have just said but I want you to know the reason.
I have worked with girls and women whom have been abused in relationships.
It starts slowly and the signs are usually not noticed
but there is ALWAYS a red flag.ALWAYS.
Most of the times when the women look back and try to remember how it started, they relize that there were danger signs.
Usually the guys tend to be very sweet and charming at first but there comes a time when that changes.
I'm not saying that good guys don't exist because they do.
Abusers may slowly try to control you by trying to influence everything from you clothing ,to makeup ,to family and friends.Has he tried these things on you?
Is he easily jelous of other people when it comes to you and your relationship with them?Has he ever insulted you by
making you feel less worthy as a human being?Does he call you stupid? The list could go on.
At the end of the day I do not know anything about your life than what you have shared.
I hope that you have happiness and joy in your life.
Just remember...listen to you inner voice.
Listen to it and pray to God for guidence.
You can't go wrong that way :)
|
