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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hey everyone, I've been pretty sad today and would like to try and get some opinions and advice. This is going to be quite long and I'm sorry, I just want to explain this as well as possible so please read it all. I am 19 and my boyfriend is 23 and we have been together for 1 year and 7 months. This is the greatest man I have ever met in my entire life. He has always been here for me and is the only man I have ever trusted, and is very loyal and respectful, as I am the same with him. We have had a very great relationship. He broke up with me a few months ago and I felt as if my world had just ended, I was completely devastated. It was really unexpected and the way he dumped me was not right. But, he asked me to get back with him and I did. We have been back together for about 2 months now. The problems are not with my boyfriend, but are with me. I have now become very dependent on my boyfriend and scared to death he will leave me again. I'm always confused about how I feel in this relationship. I do not feel like I am good enough for him and that he can do better than me. I don't think I make him as happy as I use to. I am not happy with myself, and I think I am suffering from depression and or a personality disorder. I treat my boyfriend as best as I can, we never fight, but I think ending this relationship would be best for him even though it will completely destroy me. When I end it with my boyfriend I know I will be completely lonely as I really don't have any friends anymore. I don't think I will be able to survive this break up and I'm scared to death because he has been such a big part of my life for almost 2 years. This guy is the only thing that has really kept me going in life. I have dysfunctional relationships with my parents. (my dad coming in and out of my life all of the time as a child and my mom has been a drug addict for about 5 years now and I chose not to live with her anymore.) I know I have a lot of problems that I can no longer handle and deal with on my own and I am so confused in life.I want my boyfriend to be happy, but at the same time, it scares me to death that he will find someone else and be so happy and I will still be depressed and miserable in life and have no one. I feel selfish, I love this guy with everything and even the thought of losing him is making me cry hysterically. I wanted to be with this guy forever but I think he would be way better off without me at this point. He has also been through some terrible stuff in life and I am always here for him. If I lose him I feel like I won't even want to live anymore. I know I have problems and I am more then willing to get help. I am holding onto this guy with all of my might. He is just all I have in this world. I feel like I am holding onto him for the wrong reasons though and I think he is better off without me. Should I get professional help and what should I do about my relationship?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): Sorry to hear about how sad you're feeling. You need to focus on yourself as a person and heal yourself before you can expect to be loved or be able to love. Right now, you have all of your soul invested in a relationship with a man. Your soul should be in the relationship you have with yourself. Go to your Dr, explain how you feel down, that you feel dependent on your boyfriend emotionally. Get a referrel to a psychologist, have some sessions with him. And write down your feelings, force yourself to go for a walk, do more activities for YOU! Reach out to an old friend if you can. Your boyfriend must love you but maybe he feels overwhelmed. Get help and you will feel free and everything will go onwards an upwards, take the relationship DAY by DAY, stop thinking about forever and worrying about forever. If you think too much about the future of a relationship you'll miss out on the beauty in the present. All the best to you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2013): "I am holding onto this guy with all of my might. He is just all I have in this world. I feel like I am holding onto him for the wrong reasons though . . .""Should I get professional help and what should I do about my relationship?"You should get professional help; fortunately you will benefit quickly and greatly because you've been blessed with the maturity and insight to already understand the connection between your dysfunctional childhood and your desperately clinging to an inequitable relationship for fear of being abandoned and alone, and so you have a head start in reslving and overcoming the long-term deep-seated issues dating from childhood. Hopefully, you will ultimately come to realize that you are being very unfair to expect your boyfriend to also serve as your protector and rescuer, and that latching onto him to alleviate your neediness and insecurity is not healthy for either of you.
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