A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years and I am having a few issues with the way he acts towards the things I like. Basically, we are very different and have totally different tastes. Mine are quite varied, whereas he likes one style of movie, one style of music etc and is quite set in his ways.When we met, I made an effort to take an interest in the things he likes and have grown to like some of his interests, whereas he has never and will never do the same for me.I feel as though because I am the type of person who is willing to give anything a try and I often do enjoy these things, means he thinks I should be the one who has to be flexible and he shouldn't have to. And I'll admit, usually this is the way things have gone with us up until now.But it's really starting to annoy me. It's not often, but if there is something I really want to see at the cinema, or a TV show I want to watch, or a new restaurant I want to try or whatever, and it doesn't fit exactly into his list of likes (which can be summed up as indie/Quentin Tarantino/very selected restaurants) then he will say 'no that looks sh*t' and refuse point blank. I have stood at countless local indie gigs for him, which I think are ok but not really my scene, and he can't even let me watch the finale of my favourite TV show without moaning the whole way through it.It's getting to the stage where I am re-evaluating our whole relationship because of this. I get it that there are some things that people just don't like, and if that were the case I would be happy to find someone else to do those things with or do them on my own. But with him he will not deviate from his own likes ever, even to try something for me. I just feel it's very one sided and it's making me stop doing things for him out of principle when that's not really how I think a relationship should be.Any advice? He's talking about moving in but I feel if I did that it would be a constant battle. At least now I can do my own things in my own time. He also makes fun of the stuff I like saying I have bad taste in music etc which is also starting to bug me.Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 January 2014):
 It won't get any better. Trust me. After 5 years of being together, he has no reason to be interested in you or your interests, and the death knell of your relationship isn't just the fact that he isn't the least bit adventurous or open-minded, it's that he actually makes fun of your interests, calls them bad as in bad taste in music and doesn't consider anything you like.
Most couples have different interests. My husband doesn't like my taste in some genres of music either (I like all music, while he's very narrow genre and listens to avid talk radio, which makes me want to stick ice picks in my ears). But he doesn't make fun of it, and he will listen sometimes if I reciprocate sometimes. He's adventurous as well as I am.
Your relationship is doomed. You move in with him, and you might as well destroy what makes you you and your fire will go out. You'll cry yourself to sleep every night. You will feel trapped and alone. You will feel like you don't even know who you are and wonder why you who had a sense of humor and a quick wit suddenly worry about being depressed and going on medication for the despair.
Some relationships have an expiration date. You've found yours. His belittling of your interests is his rejection of who you are. Time to take the stand and do the hard thing. If you stay in the rut you've been in with him, your fire will burn out and you'll be unrecognizable to yourself.
DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM. LEAVE him.
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (20 January 2014):
Me and my wife couldn't be more different. Im of Northern Euro decent, she was born in South America. Im 6ft and broad shouldered, shes 5ft and petite. She grew up learning to live for today. I grew up always planning for the future.
All that said, we absolutely THRIVE being exposed to each others tastes and cultures. Being with her, I finally now can appreciate what I have rather than always looking to the next thing. She now sees the value in instilling children w discipline. One night we have pork and sauerkraut, and the next night rice and beans. I now look forward to watching World Cup. She now watches college football. Its all about being open with each others tastes and enjoying it all. IMO, SO much better than marrying someone just like me....
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 January 2014):
 Was he an only child with indulgent parents? Because he's acting like a spoiled brat.
I would not move in with him and would indeed question the viability of a relationship with a guy who is all take and no give. Especially one who belittles your own choices and tastes.
Have you told him how this annoys you, or are you hoping he'll notice and do something about it on his own?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 January 2014):
 WHY would you even consider to remain in such a one-sided "relationship"???????
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2014): From the very beginning of your relationship you established a pattern. You adapted to your boyfriend's habits and tastes.
You didn't define your own, and went out of your way to please him, and accommodate his needs. You neglected your own.
Now you've grown, you're older, and you're tired of catering to his desires and his choices. In fact; you're struggling for your independence, and you're starting to outgrow him. You're tired of being submissive and flexible; while he's rigid and selfish. Sorry, but you spoiled him and encouraged him to be that way. It's difficult to break old habits; once they've become the normal routine.
You break old habits by resetting his mindset. Rewriting the script; even if he gets pissed off and protests. You have to reprogram his thinking, or kick his selfish ass to the curb. Insist that you go to the movies you want to see, or call a friend and go. Do what you like, invite him to share; and on general principle go do it alone, or with a friend. Stop giving in to keep the peace. He'll push it to the limit. As already evidenced by your post.
If he continues to resist your pursuit of independence, personal growth, and fulfillment. Dump him, and find a man who appreciates a strong and independent woman.
DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM. He is too inflexible and controlling. You're right. You'll fight all the time; and you're already becoming incompatible.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2014): You're right to re-evaluate the relationship. Sounds like over time you have grown a whole lot more than him. Whereas he is set in his ways, you seem to want to embrace new things. It might be time to part ways - but on friendly terms. Maybe just say that you're tired if always being the one to make the effort and that you don't want a relationship like the one this has turned into.
A relationship should add something to your life, but it doesn't sound like this one does that. He's fine as long as you're doing something he wants to do, well that's not how things work. My husband HATES musicals, but when we were fb and gf for my 21st he bought us tickets to see one of my favs and made the effort to enjoy it for my sake. That was almost as good as the present itself! But for someone you love you want to see then enjoying life and you do things for each other.
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