A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Over the years, I have put up a bit of a wall to a lot of things that could lead to growth. I am the confident guy (that I know I can be) that has avoided certain people that I want to get to know or a general crowd. I have shut myself off from the people that can challenge me to be a better me. I have made myself become the guy in the background, the nice guy that is easily forgotten about, the quiet, seemingly unconfident guy who doesnt go out much or is not much fun and cares to much about what people think. I have never kissed a girl. I have always tried to be a people pleaser. I have been scared to do any wrong (or in other words go and have some fun). It has simply become way to easy to stay where it is comfortable in my life (and to put off the things that I want to do in order to move forward - like stepping out of my comfort zone).There have been pro's and con's to this. Part of me feels this is good because it means I can go about trying to achieve the things I want to achieve in a quiet unassuming way. However, there are times where I feel really lonely and think of a better social life and a more outgoing me. Its just a lingering empty feeling that I am really getting sick of. I just cant seem to make a start on breaking things down in order to do something about this. Any advice would be very much appreciated, cheers x Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your help. That was a very insightful answer. I will be going to University and have done a bit of travelling, was the best fun + learnt a lot. I have a great relationship with my father, he's just not the first person I go to for advice, my brother (who is older than me) is.
I appreciate your help, your answer had brought a bit of clarity to the situation. Thankyou again.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2014): You are very young. There is something stirring within you.
You wrote your post out of introspection. You expressed your faults and listed your weaknesses. You clearly recognize what holds you back. So you know where to start.
You lack self-confidence and fear the possibility of failure. You are afraid to leave the nest. The outside world is scary.
What people think matters, only because you have a negative opinion of yourself; and that makes you vulnerable and sensitive to criticism.
Don't worry. There are many years ahead of you, and the journey has only just begun. You need to seek a formal education, do some travel, live on your own, and that will broaden your horizons. You need self-discovery, that will make you more aware of your potential. You need to face challenges, overcome adversity, and learn to survive them.
Right now you lack experience; and what you feel and think is very typical of your age. Especially if you still live with your parents.
Once you get your own place for the first time. That's when you'll realize you're completely on your own.
You say you're in your comfort-zone; but truly you're aching to come out of your shell. You are starting to outgrow it; and it's scaring you. Go with it. You have nothing to lose.
You're coming to grips with manhood. It's bewildering. You're seeing life through adult eyes; and was able to articulate and describe who you are in great detail. You know yourself.
You're clay, and in need of a mentor to help mold you. Find a positive male role-model. Someone to help you to understand girls, form relationships, achieve your goals.
Is your father active in your life? Do you play sports? Is there no significant male in your life to encourage and motivate you? I speculate there isn't. Or you may come from a divorced, or dysfunctional family. Guys with strong male role-models and involved father-figures tend to have more self-confidence. An older male to whom they can turn. There is no such thing as a rut at your age. It's called complacency. Laziness, in the extreme. You're no slacker,
they don't express themselves like you have.
If you're a college student; something is starting to get through to you. If you aren't; you're craving a formal education to give you the tools to overcome your limitations, expand your knowledge, and fear of the unknown.
You've started to realize you're no longer a boy, and starting to expect more of yourself. I read that in every word of your post. That's because I can relate, and I've been exactly in your shoes.
Take risks. Experiment. Explore. Travel. Take advantage of your youth. Enjoy it. With knowledge comes confidence. Exposure to the world will stimulate your curiosity, and push you to step outside of your invisible boundaries.
You don't realize your potential; you haven't really experienced life. You feel a little sheltered; and coming into manhood is over-whelming and intimidating. You're a late-bloomer. Just force yourself to talk to girls and just get used to being around them. Approach them at your pace and trust your instincts.
Some guys breakout in their early teens. They overcome their fear of becoming a man and seek independence. They rebel and resist being babied by their parents.
You've become aware that you're standing in your own way.
You're the perfect age; because you are old enough to make your own choices and pursue your dreams. Set goals, make a path, set your own course. Don't sit idle and let life pass you by. Open up and let life in. Go make a man of yourself.
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