A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm really confused at the moment about what to do about my relationship. I've been with my partner for two years and living together for 1 year but pretty much the whole time i've had doubts about us. I wish I didn't because he is the sweetest, most thoughtful and caring man I've ever met. The problem is that i was never really attracted to him from the start but he was just so attentive and lovely that i thought i'd give it a go, i did start to have feelings for him and i do now love him but we never had that passionate romantic connection. I love him more as a best friend than as a lover. I'm also quite young, i'm only 23 and i've only been in one other relationship so i'm worrying that he's not the one and that i should be out there meeting new people. He's 7 years older and he's ready for commitment but i'm getting a bit scared about the whole settling down thing - i feel like i'm not living life to the full - i work, come home, cook and clean. I have no money because it's expensive living in London as a couple and i know that i'd have more opportunities and more excitement in my life if i could live in a flat share, have more money and get out there more. I'm just scared that if i leave i will regret it for the rest of my life - guys like him are so hard to find. Any suggestions would be much appreciated because i really have noone to talk to about this and i just can't seem to make a decision. thanks
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (2 October 2011):
 And if you stay, you'll always wonder if there was a more exciting man out there. Never underestimate the importance of sexual chemistry in a long-term committment. If you don't have it now, you won't find it later. Not with this guy. You may feel secure with him. Most likely he treats you like a queen but if you are not feeling sexually attracted to him, I think it would be a mistake to stay out of comfort. I married this guy when I was 19. He was exactly as you have descrbed. And perhaps at that time in my life he was what I needed; the stability, knowing he was looking out for me, providing for me, treating me like gold. But there was always something missing in the relationship and it wasn't his fault. I finally realized I wasn't sexually attracted to him. It took me a long time to figure this out; and even longer to admit it to him. The break up was extremely painful. But I couldn't keep having affairs behind his back because I was searching for the right kind of sexual chemistry. That wasn't who I wanted to be. When I finally met the man I am married to now, I know I made the right decision. But I can tell you my current husband does not treat me like gold. Our relationship is very "real" and I am not pampered or treated like a queen, but he is good to me and he loves me just as much. And sexually ....I am finally very happy and have stopped searching for other guys. And that is a very nice place to be. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011): hey i am only 18 and i am telling u what i tink. if u r finging it difficult 2 live with dis guy den dont force yourself but if u tink u will regret it den you shold tink about it twice cuz good guys r really hard 2 find
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 October 2011):
 You DO have someone to talk to about his. HIM. My BF always tells me how upset he gets (and I think many men feel like this) that I will talk about OUR relationship with my friends and not him. And he makes a good point, OUR relationship is about US, doesn't he have a say in it???You need to talk to him and tell him how you feel. Truth is that passion in a relationship is all well and good but, it is not the be all to end all of a relationship. Trust, companionship, feeling comfortable, honesty, communication are all important in a relationship...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011): You owe it to him and you to end this. Yes he will be hurt but its not fair to stay and build up his hopes of a real future together. You want different things, feelings apart, you want to be young free and single and enjoying London, he wants the domestic set-up with the girl he loves.You would always regret missing out on the fun you want now while still young. And if you stayed chances are you would both end up unhappy.He may be the sweetest man on earth but if he's not the one for you... Its expensive living in London anywhere so you need to find a good flatshare with decent tenants to survive.Make sure your absolutely certain it's what you want first before you walk away.
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