A
female
age
30-35,
*elfConsciousBabe
writes:one thing that is troubling is that the guy I've been seeing for almost 4 months now is he's never had a girlfriend let alone had sex either and he's almost 23. I was VERY surprised because he's very, very attractive, very affectionate, smart, kind, funny, not pressuring me into having sex and basically, just seems too good to be true. I keep thinking, "What girl wouldn't want him!?" Which makes me think that HE hasn't WANTED to be in a serious relationship, which then makes me wonder how many girls have been in the position that I'm in right now??There are times where i question myself over whether he really wants me or not. . . When we are alone he's talkative and we have a great time just being together but out in public and in front of his family is another thing, I would love for him to show the world that I'm with him but it never happens, it's like he's shutting me out, like i embarrass him or he's ashamed to be seen with me, I don't know but it hurts whatever it is and I don't want to fight with him cuz I honestly love him I just wish he would see the same in me
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2011): It is probably a lack of experience. I didn't have sex until 23, mainly because I was running my sick grandparents farm, working part time, taking the advanced classes at school and cycling between all three of those. So my time for anything else was zero, including girls. The irony hurt me at the time, given that the lifestyle had left me tanned, insanely strong and not an ounce of fat.In the school holidays I was dating a girl for a few months. I was just hopeless. In getting to the point of even kissing the girl. Let alone further. In the end, one evening she led the way to her bedroom and took her clothes off. I got the hint. Embarrassingly I couldn't get it in. She reached around and moved me from her butthole to the right place (such was my lack of knowledge). And then the sex was fantastic for both of us (thank god).The morning after I confessed my recently-gone virginity and she did a huge thing. She frankly showed me her "parts", showed me what felt good (including how she masturbated), taught me what felt good when licking her, put me in the positions she liked. I'll always remember that generosity.Even after we broke up I was slow off the mark recognising hints of interest from women. It was like I'd missed a stage in my development (which I probably had).As for visiting his family and being seen in public. Talk with him. Ask him why, in a nice way. He might be too inexperienced to see that as an expectation. I assumed no girl would want to cycle 35Km out of the city to my place. In the end I needed my GF to prod me and I arranged for her to come out on the bus, which meant she had to stay the night, so she was pleased about that too.
A
male
reader, Mark_25_  +, writes (4 March 2011):
 HeyyTry to remember that he is inexperienced in relationships, and as trancedrhythmear said, he's more than likely lacking in confidence. I'm quite shy, and I guess it's the same with all shy guys, we operate massively off of confidence, and that's usually gained from how you as a girl act etc. An example of this from my personal experiences; I was going out with a girl for about a month, everything was going really well etc. Then I went away for a week. After I came back she didn't seem quite the same, she seemed less interested - she wasn't, but it came across that she was less bothered about us. Therefore, my confidence went completely down, and even things like holding her hand seemed really hard because I felt she was less interested, and I was worried she'd just reject the idea. That might be it, espeically as he has never had a girlfriend. I'm far from saying it's your fault, but I guess if you make him feel really secure about the relationship and your feelings, it might help him to become more open etc. It's more than likely he feels exactly the same way, but it's the confidence thing that could be holding him back.I hope that helps, good luck :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): Hey there!He's probably lacking a bit of confidence in himself. believe me us guys who hold out (in my case, pathetically til 25) til we find love... we get insecure about who we are cause we're scared that we'll disappoint you. As a result, we hold in our feelings and dont show the lady we are proud they are with us... which isnt healthy. Talk to him and see why he's a bit shutout... he may just fear not expressing his feelings well enough to you in which case he may just need reassurance by you that you know who he is as a person and like his qualities. Good luck.
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