A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I, (we are both gay) recently moved in together about a month and a half ago. Lately, however, he seems like he's always angry at me or just cranky. Today, when he came home, he didn't even smile or say hello to me. He just went straight to the TV to play some video games. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one putting all the effort into our relationship, and receive none in return. The only time he is ever affectionate or show some kind of hint that he cares about me is when he wants sex. And right after sex, he goes back to being all angry and cranky at the world. And when I have a bad day, he tells me to just get over it and move on, when it takes him forever to get over something. I sometimes ask if anything was wrong when he is moody, and he says no. But he always seems angry. I feel like a toy that he just constantly plays with. he texts other guys constantly, and although I dont say anything, he knows it bothers me. And when I text people, he gets angry and says im cheating on him, which i am not. I am usually texting my sister. I love the guy, and ive been dating him for 2 years. I dont know what to do...I sometimes want to ask him or talk to him, but to tell you the truth im afraid of my boyfriend. He insults me all the time. He wasn't always like this, and he was once very affectionate towards me. But its gotten to the point where I cry whenever I am alone. and I dont have any friends I can talk to about it, cause he hated all my old ones and now they all wont talk to me. Its hard for me to get back to the social scene whenever he says "you dont like spending time with me thats why your always out with other people!" I dont know what to do anymore. I dont want to break up with him, and I dont find it as an option. is there any way that I can mend this problem? I miss the same boy a fell in love with....
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female
reader, kuka93008 +, writes (2 May 2012):
OMG! I thought I was the only one being treated that way! Man let me tell ya it totally sucks!!! My heart is torn up right now because of the mental abuse that I go through with him. I toally understand where your coming from. My boyfriend does the same thing, he always seeems like he has an additude and when I try to talk to him about it his answer is always the same. " there ain't nothing wrong with me"! Then five minutes later he'll ask me why I'm ignoring him and he hates being ignored! Its just plain F***** stupid how someone who's suppose to love you can act like you don't even matter, or treat ya like your just another nobody. It sucks bad exspecially when you love the person, its harder to let go!!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni see what you guys mean...Yea i do feel imprisoned here at home now that I live with him. I guess it makes perfect sense...I need to rethink my whole situation with him. Thanks you guys for the advice :)
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A
male
reader, AvgGuy1 +, writes (22 April 2010):
 Ok, there's NO REASON that you can't have your own friends... and you SHOULD have your own friends. Other than this forum, it gives you a more interactive, and I would suggest more trusted source of support... for issues just like this.I used to have this type of problem with roommates... in college. The ones I roomed with were friends not just random strangers. So, when they got all moody and what not - if they didn't talk to me - I would reverse the situation at some point. I know it sounds petty... but it works. Perhaps you just need to come home a couple of days in a row... and go straight to your computer... or TV or whatever... and pretty much ignore him. If he gets testy with you about it... you can then say... well... now you know how I feel when you treat ME that way. You are both supposed to be there FOR each other. When he comes home and ignores you... it's devaluating.NiceGirl states it very well! If the situation persists, and you can't get to the root of the problem - you need to break-up and move out. Otherwise you're just going to be miserable. And if that's all he's making you feel... then you deserve better.Good Luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2010): This is a very common cycle. You really don't know someone until you live with them.Sounds like he is controlling you with a lot of tools. One of them is anger. He seems to know just what to do to keep you crawling.I know it hurts to say goodbye to the original love. Please bear with me when I say: The best someone is, is actually their worst behavior. We can only be as good as our lowest common denominator. So think carefully about whom you fell in love with originally... Is it possible that person never existed; a mere image to hook you?It took two years for the layers to peel away for you to see his true character. So it's safe to theorize that he led you along with just the right utensils until the hooks are in so he can be the abuser he's always been at the core. Abusers do not change unless they have lost an unbearable loss. I suppose you have two vastly different lifestyles to choose. You know what living with him is like, and that's misery, imprisonment and fear. Is that how you always want to live?
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