A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My kids dad and I aren't seeing eye to eye. We were suppose to get married unfortunately, it didn't happen. We are in and out of a relationship. I recently gave birth to our son on February 26. He wasn't around during my pregnancy. He didn't call, he didn't email, he didn't call my job to check up on how I felt or if I needed anything....etc. My family was always around to help me with my daughter and pregnancy. To make a long story short, he decided to show up at my parents house, unannounced, to talk and to see my son. I was very frustrated towards him. 9 months, a week and a few days go by and he decides to show up? Then he got the nerve to say to me, our son isn't his. My frustration turned into anger to where I became extremely hurt. How dare he say something like that to me? He wanted to meet at the park so we can talk...I told I wasn't meeting him anywhere. He also asked me if hia daughter (from his first marriage whom he have full custody of in which he gave up his rights to our daughter which is his third child) could play with Tiara. I told him no. Then he brought up all this other stuff about why don't we leave (didn't quite understood what he meant. Then he mentioned he wanted to leave together, to get out of this town together). After so many months that have gone by, he decides to come over to my parents to talk to me? Then he texted me of really wanting a paternity test so he can move on with his life meaning he is interested in marrying another. What the hell is going on here? I don't know what to believe anymore. I was so hurt. He wasn't there to sign his name on the birth certificate, he wasn't there for support...he just wasn't there. I am emotionally hurt with love that I remain to carry with me but at the same time confused and tired of being part of his board game. I have two kids now, I don't have time for his bullshit. He wants to take a paternity test because he really thinks our son isn't his. How dare he say that to me? What I am trying to ask here, is for some advice on to go about this better without doing something stupid.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your responses. Tux: While in and our of a relationship, I dated a guy between our last break up however, I NEVER had any intimate dealings with him but an innocent kiss. I was seeing how it would work between two adults of the opposite sex of being in a platonic relationship first before actually getting down. Unfortunately, it didn't get down to that. About two months after our break up, my kids dad started to come around wanting to have dinner, spend time....the routine of in and out of the relationship. Yes, we gotten intimate than again...break up. During our break up, he got the nerve to ask me if our son is really his? I was so hurt and upset. Anonymous Reader: I've given a lot of thought about child support. The financial part will help out a lot at the same time, I think about cutting him out of everything. Don't want anything to do with him. No assistance, no information ( in which I don't care)...just move on with our lives. I ask myself, why have a part time dad when all he is going to do is come and go? This is my philosophy, any man can me a dad but it takes a man to be a father. Thank you all for your support and responses. It helps.
A
male
reader, tux +, writes (19 March 2009):
 I like to always remember there are two sides to every story. Was there any reason that made him think that your son wasn't his? Personally, I do feel that you probably didn't and that he is one giant tool. He, like other posters, have said is highly unreliable and most likely will be in and out of his children's lives. This is not what your children need.
You need to get a paternity test to prove to him that he is the father to put the burden back on his shoulders. He has the option to be in his child's life physically and emoitional... or just be in his child's life financially. I have a feeling that he will most likely only be in his life financially and if there emotionally at all that it will be sporatic when he feels like it. That's not being a dad.. that's being a creepy sperm donor that visits his spawn every so often.. Right now, you just need to be your child's mother and be his mom because he definitely is having trouble with being a father. He is basically just a sperm donor who is financially responsible.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): Like you said, you don't have time for his bullshit. Clearly, he doesn't know whether he is coming or going,and with two kids you don't need that. Do your part to establish paternity for your children, file for support and move on. You and your kids are fortunate to have the support of your family, which is good because he will probably be in and out of their lives. You and your kids deserve stability. He can't give you that. It hurts now, but it will hurt more if you continue to let him play with you since he can't seem to make up his mind...make up YOUR mind and take yourself out of the game.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): Why not give in to the paternity test and put the ball in his court? It might be hurtful to be accused of infidelity but establishing paternity forces him to face up to his responsibilities, whether that means being an actual father to your child or merely providing financial support. It doesn't sound like the relationship is salvageable, so you might be wise to keep your emotions in check, don't play into his mind games, and tie up what loose ends you can.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): Get the paternity test and sue him for child support...
I don't understand what is going on with him, but it is clear he is trying to get out of his responsibilities.
I guess you would contact Family Services in your town to start the process or get information.
If he pays child support then he will be allowed visitation with the child, it doesn't sound like he is the type of Dad to really care about that.
I wouldn't have anything to do with him except for the concern of raising your daughter.....he is a bad bet.
Hope you get it worked out....
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A
female
reader, Dazed~Confused  +, writes (19 March 2009):
 I'm not sure that there is anything you can do to make the situation better. The problem is with him, and he's going to have to sort it out for himself.
If I were you, I would get a paternity test, get it on record that he is the father. Then, legally he can't shirk his parental responsibilities....it's one way at least to ensure that you get child support.
He sounds like he's an immature man who is obviously not ready for the responsibility of parenting, he's already given up/lost the rights to one child.
I think you should forget about him. He obviously doesn't care for you or respect you in the way you deserve. Even if you two weren't in a relationship, a decent man would have stayed in contact with you during your pregnancy.
You have a good family who obviously supports you, so you don't need him. There are other men out there who will appreciate you when he obviously doesn't.
Good luck.
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