A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I don't know if it is just me but my gut is really telling me differently. My husband of 10 years works in an all woman environment. It really didn't bother me at first till one of the women started calling him uncontrollably. I spoke with him about this and he became crazy. Well, as it turns out, I was right, she was stalking him. But that is not my problem. He has befriended another coworker who is also married and they talk everyday on the phone and hang out at work. On certain occassions they also go out to breakfast together. It has even gone as far as sending get well emails when they are ill. Am I crazy for thinking this is not normal? He does not call me while he is at work and if I call, he gets bothered and hangs up quickly. He has never cheated on me but everytime I bring this subject up he takes her side and becomes a raving lunatic. Should I let her husband know, approach her myself or leave it?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 March 2009):
 It doesn't sound normal that he becomes a raving lunatic when you want to discuss this with him. Is this the only time he's been a raving lunatic? Or are there other triggers for him?
I would not approach her or her husband; it might just make you look like a paranoid or hysterical irrational jealous wife. You don't want that.
I'd start asking him not about her, but why he reacts so strongly when you try to discuss it. What is it that makes him so vehemently take her side?
I think intuition is your subconscious picking up cues that are so subtle you are missing them otherwise. So listen to it, and verify.
The individual pieces that you describe aren't hanging offenses. Talking and hanging out with friends is normal. Having breakfast or lunch is normal. Get well wishes are nice.
But the reaction to your asking about her does seem extreme. How have you tried to talk to him about this? And has this happened before (outside his stalker)?
I think you need to tackle him again about this, but not in a confrontational or aggressive way. You want a calm, thoughtful, almost entirely logical approach to this. "Help me understand." "I am concerned that I am losing you and I want to be sure that I am doing everything I can to keep that from happening." "I love you." "When you get so upset about this, I worry that there might be something there with her. I'd feel a lot better if we could talk about this calmly and without fighting. I'm willing to try. Are you?"
Your suspicions are aroused, so perhaps you can observe his behavior and see if there are any other clues. But the risk in this is that you see or assume things that are not there. So be very careful.
I hope he comes around and is willing to address your concerns.
All the best.
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