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female
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*lazelady4494
writes: I have 3 kids and recently my told me he's not sure he wants to be with me or not. Also he's not sure if he loves me or not. Please help me understand why or what I should do. I love him so much. I don't want to lose him. Thank you for some help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Rommana +, writes (10 October 2005):
Hi
I've been throught the same thing on a numer of occasions my partner has made me feel like he no longer loves me he's even said it to me and it feels like you hearts breaking into a million of pieces,unfortunatly people go through these stages and us as the other person have to be strong,understanding and patience,it's a small price to pay if we love someone.I'm sure your partner does love you and i'm sure you'll get your answer soon but don't let him dragg it on for too long as it's not fair on you plus it's upsetting.And the sooner you know the issue you can deal with it.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2005): So, your partner is having his doubts. He can help you to understand what's going on for him, but he has to feel comfortable with how you may or may not receive it.One way to deal with it would be for you to be his support. Strange as this might sound, if you found a way to look at the situation objectively, as if it were not you, as if you were looking down on the situation from higher place, and thus side step emotional responses. You could be quite surprised by the results.If you tried to find an unattached stance to the situation, you may well enable your partner to really open up to, and talk to you as if you were not just his partner, but his friend, first and foremost, and seeing you as truly being by his side could re establish all sorts of love for you. You will have to be brave and strong, and fortunately these are qualities that every single human being has built into our make up, whether we recognise it or not.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2005): A healthy loving relationship is when you and your partner can be honest, be patient, accept one another, be kind and thoughtful. With an open and caring relationship like this, love is sure to grow and grow-so what happened to your relationship, hun? You don't give us much information to go on here. One does have to respect his attempts at honesty, although it hurts like hell and I am so sorry you have to endure this pain. I know you are feeling rejected but at least you know where you stand and now is the time to start thinking about either trying to fix this or to move on with your life, without him. You need to get a definitive answer from him though (a YES or a NO) instead of hanging in "limbo" here. That's not fair to you and you should tell him that. Chances are if he's acting wishy-washy on his feelings and "is not sure" is because it's likely he doesn't love you anymore, sweety and he doesn't want to cause you more pain. And if he doesn't want to work at this, there is nothing you can do. Open communication is the only way and out of respect for you. he should tell you WHY this happened. Take what he says..and use this information to learn about relationship pitfalls that could hinder you in the future. Remember, this is NOT your fault or his. Sadly, the reality is-people do just fall out of love as easy as they do fall in. On a more hopeful note, and if both of you can agree to this-couples like you would benefit from the assistance of a therapist or a couples counselor, to help them get their relationships back on track. It is much easier to repair what was once a loving relationship than to start all over again. Just remember, a loving relationship is a combined team effort between two individuals. I wish you both well...take care dear..and be strong.
Hugs,
Irish
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reader, pops +, writes (7 October 2005):
We can't possibly advise you on what to do, because you have not told us anything to give us a clue why he is now having a problem loving you. After three children, you might think that he would have figured it out before now. Have you stopped paying him attention as a man, and husband, and devoted all your energy to the kids ? That may sound responsible, but relationships need constant work, every day. When either spouse starts feeling un appreciated, and un- loved, it can kill the relationship .
Sit down and talk to him about what is bothering him, and what you may have done, or not done that has caused him to want to leave you.
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