A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a guy on and off for a year now that is sweet, patient - I've cheated a couple times while we were in an "off" point in the relationship... :/ - and loving. However, I feel like I have to tell him directly everything I want in the relationship when some of it should be common sense. He doesn't surprise me or take me out (it's hard to because we're on a college campus, but still), there's not a single photo or mention of me on social media (which seems petty but when it comes down to it I really think that it's a red flag), and he doesn't know how to act around my family. When he first met my family last summer, he barely spoke a word and didn't put his things down to shake my stepfathers hand. He didn't understand how to be chatty, respectful, etc. because he's never had a serious girlfriend. Despite all of this, he has shown his determination to change, but I haven't seen all of it yet and I'm getting impatient. He also almost got kicked out of school last year because he wanted to be pre-med but couldn't handle the program. I don't blame him, but he never developed healthy study habits in high school and is just now learning. I feel like were on two different levels of life. But he makes me so happy when he's around and I can't bear to break up with him... were on the same sports team at school and seeing him every day at practice would make it miserable if I were to break up with him. He's a safe, respecful, sweet guy, but I just feel like he's not enough sometimes. Help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (19 December 2014):
 It's never a good thing in a relationship when you hope they will change. Sometimes in the most extreme circumstances they do, but most don't. Are you willing to stay with him in the hope that he will become what you need? It's hard for you to imagine being without him, but sometimes the thought of breaking up is harder than actually doing it. Once you did it you'd either move on or realize that you can't be without him. Best of luck.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 December 2014):
 Dating a guy because it is EASIER then breaking up and seeing him during sports, is not really a good "enough" excuse. I mean if you REALLY look at it, you two tried dating, but aren't REALLY as good of a match as you first hoped/presumed. SO, NOW you are in a situation where you DATE to avoid becoming AWKWARD when doing shared sports?
How is that making you happy?
TALK to him, find a amicable way to part ways and still be able to do sports. Not all break ups HAVE to be dramatic and OMG we can now never talk or see each other without someone being hurt.
It HAPPENS that you meet someone you INITIALLY like and think is a good match, only to find out that maybe it wasn't after all. You want HIM to change into YOUR perception of what a good BF should be, THAT is not who he is. Dating a person (or being with) means you LOVE then for WHO they are - of course something/someone can change over the course of dating, it's part of being with someone, but it should be on their OWN volition, not because a GF/BF wants those changes.
I'd say let him go in a nice way. No need to be "friends" afterwards, but you can still be civil and you can still do sports together.
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