A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Basically I don't know what to do. I've been going out with a guy for a week and he's already saying how much he loves me, he knows I'm no where near ready to say it back but I feel like he's pressuring me to say it. I've tried talking to him about it but he thinks I've just been 'messed up' from my previous relationship. It's just a case of I'm not feeling the same way, and I'm starting to feel I never will. I'm getting messages at nearly 3 in the morning saying word for word 'God I love you so much xxxxx' and 'I miss you already babe xxxxx'. It's getting too much for me, and I can't say any of those things back and mean it.I feel like I'm not ready for this relationship, but I don't want to hurt him. I'm starting to distance myself from him without even realising I am. Its not as if he waited a week to say it, he was saying it before we got together. I feel like I should have seen signs that this relationship wasn't going to be the one for me, but I didn't want to not give things a go and look back and wonder what could have been, but I've been nothing but freaked out since we got together.He also seems to comfortable 'sexually' as well, we haven't had sex but he's been making it very clear that he wants to. Again I'm not so comfortable with this, and am not ready for it to happen with him, and feel I would regret it if we did.Because I'm not ready to do or say any of this he's placing the blame on my previous relationship. He doesn't see that all this is too soon.I just want to ask, would I be doing the right thing in calling it a day? I just think it's unfair to him that I'm not feeling the same way, and don't think I ever will and I shouldn't be forcing myself to feel the same way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your answers, they really have helped. I just wanted to make sure its not me thinking too much of it all.
If I'm honest we didn't have much to talk about, we didn't really hold much of a conversation. I like him, but I really don't think in that way, and I'm not as attracted to him as i originally thought i was.
A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (1 July 2014):
 Hello there,
I would leave this guy well alone. He is not approaching this relationship in a mature and sensible way. Telling you he loves you after a week is ridiculous. You barely know each other. Love takes time, a crush or infactuation takes minutes. Texting you at all hours declaring true love and so on is way too much at this early stage! He clearly has issues and is probably desperate to be loved and is therefore pushing you to tell him you love him. He wants to feel loved, needed and wanted so is pushing you to make that step when you are not ready and may never be.
As for the sex, he is moving too fast for you there too. You should not be pressured by anyone into sex or declaring emotions you don't feel comfortable with. You are no doubt aware that many men declare undying love to a women in the hope it will lead to near instant sex.
I do think you should move on. He is not for you. To blame your previous relationships is crazy and shows he is manipulative in that way, trying to make you question yourself. He is either trying to use the guise of true love to get your kit off or he has issues. Your previous relationships have nothing to do with it whatsoever.
I strongly suggest you tell him it isn't working, you are not compatible and leave it at that. Just because some guy you barely know declares undying love of you, doesn't mean you owe him anything.
Mark
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (1 July 2014):
 This guy is not a good guy. He's pressuring you for sex. NOBODY loves someone right off the bat like that, and the fact that he's putting a lot of pressure for sex within 2 weeks of dating means that the Love stuff is to get him the sex he wants.
You say you're not ready for this relationship. GOOD. Stand up for yourself and tell him it's not going to work. He's almost in stalker territory if he keeps pressuring you, and he's taking advantage of your age (younger girls have a harder time not being pressured).
I would end it clean. No "Let's be friends". no "lets slow down", no "I'm not ready for a relationship". Tell him it's not working for you, and that you wish him well. He doesn't love you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 July 2014):
 Yeah, you are not wrong - after one week he doesn't LOVE you. Nor should you feel you have to LOVE him back... yet. IT IS way too soon.
Who knows another person after 1 week? You don't. Neither does he. You can't force love like that, saying it over and over doesn't make it true.
I think he is pulling out all the stop and "I love you/I miss you" because he THINKS that is what the ladies want to hear. He think saying "I love you" is a the proverbial panty dropper.
I would TELL him. Look we have known each other one week and I feel like you are trying to rush me and us. I don't move at the speed of light.
After 1 week, you will know if this is a guy you want to KEEP dating (and getting to know) or if there isn't ANY whatsoever attraction.
I think your GUT is telling you he isn't it for you. And him placing "blame" on your past relationships is his way to try and manipulate you into doing what he wants.
I'd honestly tell him that you just don't feel a spark and you two aren't a good fit, then wish him luck. I think if you just don't think he is for you, you should end it sooner rather then later. Don't waste YOUr time or his.
Personally, I'd walk from this guy. It's WAY too strong and honestly unrealistic. And I would be really uncomfortable with someone trying to "cram" fake love down my throat.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 July 2014):
 I've said I love you before the guy does, after him, about the same time. I've also told a guy it's just been x number of dates. For me if I can't say it it means I just don't feel it and never will, and I am known to be an impulsive person too. In this post you are not really listing his good qualities but rather how much you feel pressured. That's because you don't know him that well. I think he's saying it just so that you would ease in with the sex. Doesn't mean he can't love you later, but he's not considering how you feel, especially texting you at 3 am. Yes trust yourself. It's good to be picky. Early sex is not the problem but he's not being discreet. He's too obsessed about sex and thinks that saying I love you will land you in his bed. A lot of people go ahead with sex and at the same time getting to know the other person too. Usually older people though. No one says that you can't have sex and know the other person at the same time. He either doesn't know how to connect with a woman or does not see the importance.
What did you talk about in the date rather than your previous relationship? After the date did you feel you like him? Are you attracted to him? In this post sounds like you are not. He should be trying to convince you why you should consider him boyfriend, and not pressure you or make you feel wrong about not being ready. It has nothing to do with previous relationship. People have the right to choose the pace.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2014): Leave him, he's pressuring you and making you feel like you're wrong or damaged for not wanting to have sex with him at a week. It's also not abnormal to not be in love with someone you're barely in a relationship with, love takes time, he's just using it as a way to control the relationship and to control you.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (1 July 2014):
 You'd do both of you afavor to just be upfront and say I don't feel the same about you,sorry but hones is the best policy to get him to see the truth and relieve your stress.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2014): There is nothing unfair about how you feel even if it is because of the previous relationship. Who cares the cause when the fact is that you feel the way you do... And he needs to obey those feelings. I don't know whether you like this guy or what's your plan with him and yourself but as it stands he seems boudariless and overbearing so depending on your plans you may distance yourself to get space (you take it slow) or break up altogether. Given that you had red flags about him already and you already spoke to him about this then breaking up maybe best. Try to do it with least amount of talking. If you do break up, you should give yourself some time without boyfriends to recoup yourself.
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