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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend is a spoiled "mama's boy." He's 21 (as am I) and we have been together for four years. His mother is very wealthy, has fancy cars and 6 apartments and recently told him that he will inherit all of this. Since this discovery, my boyfriend has lost all interest in going back to school and working (he was basically a security guard but at least earned money and went to school). He dropped everything and plays video games all day. I see no ambition or fire in his eyes. It hurts me because, as much as I want to be with him, I can't be with someone who mooches off his parents and is lazy in life. He said it's great to basically have everything you want in life already and there's no need to strive for anything because your parents will support you. I, on the other hand, come from a very hard-working middle class family (immigrants) who don't pay my way. I pay for my car, I go to school full time and work part time. His parents are immigrants too but they're real estate agents and, where I live, their "kind" (not meaning to insult!) earns a LOT of money. So he's got his car paid for by mom, his apartment, etc. He has everything. I'm not going to say I'm not jealous, I am a little bit. He has things that I had to work for but I try to put it past me. My point is, if he's going to be dependent on his mother's money, how is there a future for us? I plan to go to pharmacy school sometime within a year and get my masters and PhD afterwards...But he kind of looks down on it because he likes the easy way out. So I kind of feel like he doesn't actually seriously consider me or is willing to commit because he doesn't seem too bothered by anything in general and never wants to talk about it. His response is "we'll see what happens." While his mother is nice to me right now, I am afraid she will want someone wealthy for her son and he's actually easily swayed by her opinion.Do I just break it off? Or see where it goes?
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (16 December 2013):
 i couldn't be with someone who had no motivtion or drive to do anything on their own. who cares if his parents give him everything? doesn't mean he can't get his ass out and make something of himself anyway!
let him sit around and play video games all day and be spoiled. go out and find a guy who has similar passions and goals for himself who isn't content sitting around doing nothig and taking handouts from his family.
maybe he'll grow out of it. but maybe not. i wouldn't wait around to find out. this would be a deal-breaker for me.
good luck.
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (16 December 2013):
Honestly at his age, I am not surprised that all he wants to do is play video games. A lot of guys at that age aren't thinking about such long term and grand goals. I think he is enjoying his new riches and after being a security guard who can blame him.
I think this is something you will need to be patient with. I do not think he has changed as a person or as boyfriend. If he has changed in those ways, you should consider how this affects your relationship.
I do understand that his current ambitions are underwhelming for you. I just want to also mention that this is just a hurdle in a relationship, something that is not necessarily negative. Hurdles like these are more common than you think so it is up to you if you want to stay or leave. For the sake of argument, there is no perfect person.
Perhaps he needs more time to find his way while he introduces his new riches. Hopefully in the future he will want to do something more with his time (maybe even become a livestreamer for twitch.tv). Or start a youtube career. Either way there are things in which he can look into while enjoying his video gaming life.
I think your jealousy is clouding your judgement a bit, as his lifestyle should not be affecting your goals. If anything, he could be more willing to help you more and assist you so that you can nourish your own goals for the future.
Either way, don't make any rash decisions because you have not said that he is a bad guy. Take as much time as you need but also try to focus on your goals, not his.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 December 2013):
 His parents set an easy path for him to follow. The minimum thing he needs to do is learn how to manage the finances, how to deal with tenants, and the maintenance and upgrading of the buildings. At least an interest to do these things would be nice, otherwise he would attract bad people who would take over and eat the empire piece by piece.
Separate the financial incompatibility I cringe when I see 21 year olds still playing video games. He should have grown out of it.
I come from rich parents and I don't have to work a single day in my life. I choose to work full time even though my income is humble compared to my dad. I don't have the mentality to not do anything. Call it pride, or conscience. A person should feel there are things more exciting than video games. Also to reveal he's going to be an heir and that's the reason why he doesn't have to work, means he doesn't know how important it is to impress people. He doesn't understand how it turns you off or he doesn't care.
I don't know how you think that his mom wants a wealthy girl for him, when he's acting like he's on welfare. His mom should be happy to have you as a daughter in law because you work hard for a living and for love, and you are not a gold digger.
I do think it is an irreconcilable difference. Maybe his parents never had time for him to guide him and give him a sense of purpose. You would grow to resent that he has everything that you had to work hard for. The dark side of me says that if I could just forgo romance and the need for an ambitious person then I would never have to worry about money troubles. If you marry him you'd probably become the sole person responsible for the legal paperwork of all the buildings, which is not fun.
There is a dark side of me which says how often do you meet a rich guy, who wants to marry you too. If you could forgo the need for an ambitious person, then you never had to worry about money troubles. Looking at the high divorce rate, some people would tell you they don't believe in true love anyways. Money does buy happiness.
On the other hand love is a powerful force that even if it doesn't last forever you would still want to experience it. It depends on whether you are able to sell your soul for convenience. This guy is not somebody I can stand as a partner. You would have to be a good actor for the rest of your life.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 December 2013):
 I personally couldn't be with someone with no ambition. I'd rather be with someone who is poor but ambitious than rich but lazy. I suppose it's up to you, but how does he plan to spend his days? Does he plan to just play video games all day, leave no legacy, and have no impact on anyone ever? What if he has kids, will he not leave them anything? Where I grew up a lot of people were living the high life off inheritance, but they all had jobs and hobbies and tried to contribute to the world. I.e. they did what they wanted to do for a job without worrying if it would pay the bills. It's depressing to me to even think about waking up in the morning without any goals in life or dreams. I guess it's up to you, but I would find that type of unambitious person extremely dull.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (14 December 2013):
 Break it off because, like him, it's going nowhere.
He may have all the fancy toys he can dream of and all the spare time he needs to play with them but what he doesn't have is power or freedom. He is a slave and as long as his mother controls the only resources he has access to, he will always be a slave.
Stay with him and both he and his mother will own you or get out now and be free.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (14 December 2013):
I'd probably give him an ultimatum on this one. Either he gets his act together and starts to become a responsible adult or you're going to dump him.
Myself included, would not want to be with someone like this either. Who wants to be with someone with no ambition and no goals? He has no responsibilities and wants to play video games all day...well so does my 6-year old nephew.
As a woman, I think it's pretty normal to want a man that has a job and makes his own living, not lives off mommy and daddy's money, that's just a spoiled brat and you'll always end up playing the mommy role to him if you were together in the future (and of course you'll never quite measure up to his real mommy). He will forever be stuck a boy if he doesn't get his act together; you don't want to date a boy, you want to date a man.
So like I said, I'd give him an ultimatum to shape up or ship out. Obviously, having different goals in life won't make for a lasting relationship.
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