A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I really need some help. I've been dating this guy for about 3 months. We were friends and I was happy with it as that, but we did hang out a lot so he asked if I would try dating. I wasn't really sure but he is a sweet guy so I agreed. Ever since, I've been questioning whether I should end things before they get serious. I've always been open with him and he's known throughout that I'm unsure. It's just...the more tome is getting on I feel like I should be feeling a certain way and I'm just not. We have fun and he literally is one of the nicest guys ever but the 'spark' just isn't happening. I've always believed that love is real and that I would know when I feel it. My friend is having her first baby and I don't wanna spend time with the wrong person :( Thing is, I am fond of him now and every time I try to end it, he gets really upset and kind of tries to convince me out of it. I then feel angry because he's not letting me go which I would do if the tables were turned. He's 27 and I feel like he's really not accepting my feelings. I am a little confused as I feel sad at the thought of not being with him, but theres just something missing. We're having time out now, and he's texting as if everything is normal :( help me, I'm starting to freak out that if things end completely, he'll be obsessive
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 March 2014):
 You are making this SO much harder on yourself then you need to. Tell him:"Bob, you are an incredible nice guy, but I just don't feel any chemistry between and I don't want to string you along, so it's over".
Don't worry about him HE will have to take care of "HIM". Worry about yourself.
You need to TRUST yourself more. If you don't feel like a guy would be someone you want to date, then DO NOT date them. And CERTAINLY do NOT continue to date a guy because you are afraid of hurting his feelings if you break up, that is ridiculous.
And I agree with WiseOwlE - don not do the "let's stay friends" because THAT will NOT work.
Put on your BIG GIRL panties and end it.
A
female
reader, Mame06 +, writes (10 March 2014):
 I've been here before. This guy is NOT a nice guy. He is a "wolf in nice guy's clothing"! These are guys who play nicey nice and guilt you into going out with them, and then, when you try to get out, they do everything in their power to keep you. If he was REALLY a nice guy, he would give you time and space to figure out your feelings, and he would accept it if you decided that the relationship wasn't for you.
Here's what you do: Meet him at a public place (take separate cars), tell him the bad news (keep it short and sweet--no long explanations), and leave. Have a girl or guy friend stay with you that night, if you feel freaked out. If necessary, get the police involved.
Take this as a lesson. Don't go out with guys you're "not that into" in the first place. Join an online dating site or find an activity you enjoy, and get back out there. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (10 March 2014):
 I read this interesting article about how some women were able to determine which man they were attracted to just by smelling their cast-off shirt. I think it so amazing that subconsciously we know which man is attractive to us, but consciously we are faced with the fact that hey, here's this sexy, goodlooking, nice guy and we feel we should be attracted but the spark is just not there. Maybe we feel a little guilty that we should be attracted and we're not. Don't try to overthink it. It could just be that he's not your smell, LOL. I think you know what has to be done. Do it the best and noblest way you can. If you feel that you can stay friends without him becoming jealous or obsessive, good and well, if not, then distance yourself. Best of luck - hope you find that special attraction soon!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2014): Why are you beating around the bush. Tell him straightaway that things are going in the way he wants them to. You don't feeling romantically attracted enough to continue the relationship. For gosh sake, save the "let's be friends" speech. That's cowardly and dishonest.
If he can't respect your wishes after you have been direct. That means ending it, without being mealy-mouthed and timid. End contact altogether. You must have your own control within any relationship. You can't let guys push you around.
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