A
female
age
41-50,
*elens
writes:I met a guy with a 15 year old daughter and he's alot older than me.The daugther told me she doesnt want me in their lives but i dont no how he feels. I think he is torn and its also a long distance relationship.I dont know what to do!!!I have feelings for him we have been together for a month and half.
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female
reader, Helens +, writes (20 March 2007):
Helens is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust to let you no we have had no arguments she just said she doesnt want him to be with anyone till she is 16 which is 8 months away and that he has bin a single dad for 15 yrs her mam is not around atall they carnt find her his daughter is self harming aswell wen she doesnt get her own way and we met through his cousin i wasnt going to get involved at first cause of distance cause i bin hurt b4 and i got a 15 month old aswell but thought y not give it a go i just dont no wat to think
A
female
reader, TygersDream  +, writes (20 March 2007):
 It's only natural for his daughter to reject you, you're seen as an interloper and she's scared that you're going to pretend to be her mother and that things in their family are going to change. Her acceptance will have to come in time. Don't try to endear yourself too much to her but don't create a barrier that completely excludes her from her father when you and he meet up.
Since you mentioned that you are in a long-distance relationship and have just started seeing each other (online?) for one and a half months I can see how she might think that you're just a fling or just a relationship that will amount to nothing. I guess she's just afraid for her father, and believes that he should only be loyal to one person - her mother, regardless of whether she's alive or not. Seeing your age gap too, she probably thinks it's ludicrous for your father to be with somebody closer to her age than his. It's only natural, so be patient.
As for him, he might be cautious about your relationship together because his happiness is also about his daughter's happiness. I'm sure you guessed that already. One and a half months is not enough time to say whether it's time to make it serious, but I think it is a short enough time to ask him whether he wants to continue this relationship seriously before any hearts get seriously broken.
You didn't specify his current emotional condition- is he recovering from a divorce, his wife's passing, been a serial dater or a single man for a long while?
Even though his daughter doesn't want you in their lives, is it because of the reasons I've stated above or have you been disagreeable with her and her father? Have any problems besides his indecision and her dislike for you cropped up in the last one and a half months?
At the end of the day, I'd like to tell you to persevere since you're an adult woman and he's an eligible bachelor. There's nothing wrong with the two of you continuing your long distance relationship - it's non-intrusive on their family lives, and you can both get to know each other emotionally and intellectually. It's a good basis for creating a solid friendship before you take things further.
I'm a bit suspicious about the absence of his input on the situation. Perhaps he is just being guarded and torn between you and his daughter. Don't take it personally, but ask him whether he wants a future for the both of you before you allow yourself to have more feelings for him. If he doesn't want to answer immediately, give him a week or two to collect his thoughts. It's only fair that you tell him that you'd like to know where you stand in this relationship and that it's better to know now than later on down the road.
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