A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, so I’ve got an interesting issue that I’d love some insight on - so I’ve known my partner 11 years and have been together 3 years.He’s over 6ft tall, blue eyes and the buffest guy you’ll ever see yet he remains very modest (ie doesn’t take shirtless instagram selfies haha) he is also extremely trust worthy and loyal to me. This particular issue has always been irritating to me but lately gotten worse. He takes about 1.5 hrs to get ready in the morning, he has about 3 showers a day, he takes gear for muscle growth and my least favourite- he shaves his WHOLE body every few days. I’m constantly reasurring him he looks great and that I love a guy with hair but it’s like he doesn’t care about my opinion at all. He has a work event coming up out of town and he’s been outside tanning for hours! I just don’t understand it. Maybe it’s because I’m attracted to your average manly man with dirt on his hands. It just seems like such a contradiction being so modest and introvert but also being obsessed with your appearance- I find myself becoming Unattracted to him. Is that terrible?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2019): I noticed you said you've known your partner for 11 years. Only together as a couple for 3. Maybe you're returning to friend-mode.
You're finding fault; so maybe it's time to move-on.
This is the very thing I've warned people about; who try to change friendships into romances. The romance starts to wear-off; and the begin to feel more like brother and sister.
Sometimes the relationship shifts back to platonic-friends; because the physical or romantic attraction can't be sustained. The family-like connection slowly creeps back.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2019): He'll tire of all the high-maintenance the closer he gets to 30.
Vanity is might be the case; but I caution you about telling people how to groom themselves. You like hairy-men; then your option is to leave that guy, and find a guy who fits all your desired criteria. He's young, good-looking, and enjoying it while he can. One day he may go bald, get a beer-gut, and maybe he'll be the manly-man you want.
Now your post is a bit contradictory by this statement:
"He’s over 6ft tall, blue eyes and the buffest guy you’ll ever see yet he remains very modest (ie doesn’t take shirtless instagram selfies haha) he is also extremely trust worthy and loyal to me."
His sharp image is probably gaining him success. It's a fact that good-looking people are more likely to get what they want. As you must know, because if you got him he probably sees the same good-looks in you. He wouldn't go through all that trouble and not have a comparable mate.
Shaving his body is a personal-choice. Something you can live with. If you read DC, there are thousands of women who would give you their sloppy hairy lazy no-count husbands or boyfriends in-exchange.
You really don't have a problem. He's good-looking and likes taking care of himself. I could think of worse.
It will change when he hits his mid-30's; or gets married and complacent.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (31 January 2019):
 Maybe a comment made him re-think things. Like someone guessed him to be older than he is, or he has younger men who take VERY good care of themselves around him and he "feels" a need to "compete".
OR he wants' to look good for a special someone. If these grooming habits are new, I'd wonder WTF is up... if he has ALWAYS been this way, well then he is just VERY meticulous about his cleanliness. Could be he has a touch of OCD that doesn't really show in other ways.
I have a friend who used to be a swimmer all through school, he ALWAYS shaved everything. Even when he quit swimming and competing. It just became part of his routine I suppose.
My husband and I are ... I'd say low maintenance when it comes to "preening", I am not a slob about myself (neither is he) but we can both get ready in 20-30 min (including having a shower). My make up is a 30 second job. Eyeliner and mascara. BOOM done.THAT just how we are. I don't really know how well I would live with someone taking THAT much time to preen. My TEENAGE daughters take less time, even the one who does make up and lays out her clothes a week in advance!
The things is OP, HE has to love himself and be CONTENT with how he looks. While you might like a "dirty" buy with body hair you ARE WITH a guy who is neat, shaved and clean, obsessively so. I don't think he should ASK your "permission" to his grooming regime or whether it pleases you or not. He has to LOVE him for him.
And you have to love him for who he is - vain, preening or slightly obsessive with cleanliness...
Like Code Warrior said, you have to decide is it a deal breaker or not.
To be honest? I'd rather be with an anal retentive clean obsessive guy than some total slob. but each to their own, I suppose :)
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