A
female
age
30-35,
*weetSmoochy
writes:This is going to make a few people chuckle, I guarantee it :)I adore my boyfriend with my whole heart, and we're definitely heading down the serious road. We're about to graduate, and we've been talking about moving in together after we get more established. I'm psyched to do that, but I have a little problem. He's not the best at compromising. It's a bit of a small nit-picky problem, I know. Go ahead and giggle. But his family lives a bit differently than I do, and a couple of things they do, like leaving food out over night and calling it ok to eat, are not going to be comfortable to me. I talked to him about it and he just brushed it off as no big deal, but I honestly won't feel comfortable living that way and food is expensive!! I work and he doesn't, so I understand the value of $$ a bit better. An example of where I'm willing to compromise with him is that I really don't like having a tv in the room where I sleep and he does. I compromised saying that we could get a tv cabinet that I can close when we are ready to turn it off and got to sleep. I compromise, he doesn't. That's not exactly an exciting prospect to me. How do I get him to work with me on the little things I find important? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (28 February 2011):
SweetSmoochy is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for your answers. It isn't a make or break thing but I appreciate your time regardless!!I'll try talking to him again, maybe when the moving in actually starts.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 February 2011):
 You are going to chuckle at my story too. I have boyfriend and he's not the father of my son. We are going to live together soon. On the weekends my son and I stay at his place. My boyfriend likes spicy food and my son doesn't. We compromise by having separate dishes, like my son would eat sandwich or macaroni cheese while we put lots of spices in our food. We both find it hard to sleep with each other, so we sleep in different rooms, after we have sex of course. It won't matter what he puts in his bedroom. You may feel that relationships are about compromise, while he feels that in a relationship you should be able to be yourself and be happy. Neither of your relationship style needs change. Honestly I feel that these are not big deals and if there are big deals that may come up in the relationship there isn't any clue yet as to whether he would adjust to you.
In a lot of modern marriages, couples don't even live together. They may buy condos next to each other so that they can visit as much as they want, and have as much space they want without feeling guilty. Some have special designs in their homes so that it looks like there are two houses merging into one. You say that him not being able to compromise is not exciting to you. I say that a relationship that needs too many compromises is not too exciting either.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 February 2011):
 Am afraid there is not actually a lot you can do here to change him. He is who he is and thats the way he has been brought up. As for his small habits well I guess you are just going to have to deal with them when they come. If he leaves food out all night and still wants to eat it well then let him. He may break these small habits when he gets older. But the only thing you can really do is be honest with him and tell him how you feel.
...............................
|
