A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together, lived together happily (until recently) for 7 years. The age old argument between men and women about cleaning hasn't stopped and has continued to get worse. I literally do everything around the house including making dinners and doing laundry. This has put a damper on things, as I do it (otherwise it'll drive me nuts) and then complain about doing it. He offers no help. Tired of it- He wants to live alone, I want to stay together and make other changes.Anyone think sleeping in separate bedrooms, using separate bathrooms will improve things? If I don't have to go in there, I won't clean it. Then I won't complain. I've heard of other couples doing this, and I think it will help give us our own space and privacy. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): Don't accept him for the way he is, he is acting like a CHILD. My b/f helps around the flat and he is no control freak or like another poster said, a 'fussy gay man' You only get treated the way you allow people to treat you, sadly thats why so many women end up in bad relationships and give all the time.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (6 April 2008):
 If you still love your partner and he is incapable of doing
those chores, you will have to bear with that burden until
he comes to his senses or never.
If you are sick of doing it alone , then you need to set your limits and boundaries.
If he still does not want to play , there is nothing you can
do except to live separately or he moves out .
You don't get into each other's way.
It becomes a test of your will and resolve.
He might come back and do as you want or he may leave and never come back.
That is the risk you will have to face.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): If he wants to live alone, then is he indicating that he wants to break up? If you've been living together for 7 years and he now wants to live alone, I think you've got more to worry about than picking up after his messes. I think you should be worrying about losing him. I am the only one that cleans in our household, but my husband is the one who goes to work every day. I agree though that if you both work, he should clean equally. But men just aren't generally like that. Most men HATE cleaning. You should have seen my husband's house before I moved in, there were dead mice in the basement decaying and there was a huge grease puddle on the counter, & he claimed that he didn't know about it. So really I think that if you want to keep him that you need to just realize that this is how he is, and stop complaining about having to clean. Maybe while you're cleaning, you can have him do something else, like pay bills or run arrends?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): Just stop doing things for him. Do things for yourself and if you feel you need to move out then do so, but dont keep talking about it, do it. Actions speak louder than words. But do you really want to move into another area or away from him altogether. Sometimes these little things indicate a major problem lurking beneath the surface which says Get out of her now and make a new start away from him. Which i think i would be doing is if i were you. Get rid, you dont need this crap in your life. It is too short to waste.
take care
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2008): I used to be anal-retentive like you. Opposites attract my dear. Either accept him as he is, shut up and clean up after him; OR stop being his "mommy" and move in with a really fussy gay man.
The world will not stop if you trip over his shoes or pick up his towel from the floor or take the trash out every day. Pick and choose your battles carefullly.
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