A
female
age
30-35,
*ewmama2010
writes:My boyfriend an I have been together for bout a year now we have a 6 month old daughter together as well, an I just started back too work about a month ago as a cna an he's a welder, we don't spend a lot of time together but when we do we tend too fight bc we don't live with one another an that's usually what the fighting is aboutwere working on moving out but times are tough an now he's telling me he's not happy anymore bc of the fighting I'm scared I'm gonna lose him an I don't want too bc he's wonderful too me an our baby, what can I do too avoid big blowen out fights an too drawl him in closer too me too fall in love with me??? Help me please! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (11 March 2011):
 Stop fighting. It's easier than you think. You need two people to fight. If he tries to start an argument, just shrug, answer calmly and reasonably that you don't want to fight, and ask if there's something you can do to help with what he's upset about.
It helps to practice saying that in a mirror so you don't sound passive-aggressive.
Most people can really only try to start a fight three or four times in the same night with someone who is not responding before they just run out of steam. By offering to help, rather than engaging in an argument, you disarm him emotionally and move into teamwork mode, rather than competitive mode.
Basically, you get what you give. If it's not enough, offer more; if the other person is not putting in enough, offer to pick up the slack. Healthy people respond to this by redoubling their own contributions.
A word of warning, while most people respond to helpfulness with helpfulness, some respond by taking advantage. He may accept your helpfulness a few times without reciprocating, just to make sure it's not a trap. That's fine. However, if he sees you putting in effort and going out of your way for him more than a few times without returning it, he may just be a taker, and not worth being with.
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