A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi, so i have a question..., i have been with my boyfriend for 3 years in a few months. we started out great, so loving, caring, and anything i wanted to do i got, but now its not like that, he doesn't give me a kiss hello when i see him, we sit on different couchs when we watch tv, or even different rooms to watch tv.. i miss the little things, when he would make me a tea, or take the trash out with out asking, or put the dishes away...... now i have to ask him 5 times to take the trash out, and he still doesn't.... I have to do everything..... the cooking, cleaning, paying most of the bills, so he can buy the things he wants, new computer, guns to go hunting, things for his truck, video games, etc. things we dont need.... but i talked to him about it before, and it goes in one ear and out the other.... and when i say,its my turn,to buy myself something nice, he goes out and spends all,of his money so i have to pay bills or food. so i cant buy my self anything.....we fight all the time about this now....All i want is his help around the house, the cleaning the cooking, bills............... thanks for reading this
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (18 June 2012):
 I completely agree with Aunty Bim Bim. It seems like an adult describing a relationship with their thoughtless teenager, not a loving and reciprocal adult relationship. Do you still love him? Really? Are you happy?
At the very least, you two need to sit down and have a serious talk. Please don't waste your time on someone who is not making you feel happy and loved, though. He's taking advantage of you and you need to stand firm.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (18 June 2012):
 Isn't he a lucky little boy, he swapped his old mummy for a newer version, he has somebody to cook his din dins, clean up after him AND who sacrifices her own financial needs to cover his living expenses so he can still have all the toys he could possibly want.
What are you getting out of this relationship, besides poorer, more tired, less physical affection, no emotional support, you are now more lonely than you were before you moved in with him .... so ask yourself, what's in it for you.
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A
female
reader, mooh +, writes (18 June 2012):
Hi, Maybe you can also have a common pot e.g. when you both get your salaries, both put some money aside that cover bills, household items, groceries but also money that can be saved for a common goal e.g. vacations. Then you can do whatever you want with whatever is left of your money.
I'm sorry to say this but your bf doesn't sound so reliable and kind of selfish. you're still in your early twenties but do you think you could stand this behaviour on his part for the next 10 years? He sounds like he is just taking whatever he can. You're mentioning all the things that you do for him, but what does he do for you? Another thing is that you mention that you're always spending your money but e.g. what if one day you need savings (for example you lose your job) do you think you can rely on him?
I was in a relationship kind of like this where i was always paying more and my ex wasnt doing anything around the house, he was never attentive to my needs ... we broke up after 3 years and now since 2 years with someone who is doing his part of the practical part of the relationship and makes me happy.
I think it's time to have a talk with your boyfriend as a relationship takes two!
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (18 June 2012):
 I'm sorry I couldn't offer you what you wanted, but hopefully it will give you the strength to do what you need to do so that you'll be happy.
Best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks everyone for your help.,
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (18 June 2012):
I am so turned off by his behaviour that I cannot imagine wanting any kind of intimacy with him. So I can't offer any suggestions on how to win him back. He's just too repulsive.
If he's like this now he will be the same five years from now, only then it will be worse. You'll be in debt and have nothing to show for it. And worse still, you might have children to support by then as well as him.
He is not a keeper. You've given him plenty of chances. Why wait for it to get worse?
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A
female
reader, Pretty and proud +, writes (18 June 2012):
 Sell his stuff
Good luck pet x
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A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (18 June 2012):
 Create a budget; things he needs to start paying for, things you will pay for and write it all down into two columns. Then post it on the fridge where he can't miss it. If you split the bill equally you'll both have some leftover money to spend as you wish. If he doesn't own up to his share, kick him to the curb and move on. As for the other things you've mentioned, you may have to take the initiative to get close to him. When you're watching a movie, move to the couch where he's at. If he looks at you with a weird look, tell him the truth, that you miss the closeness you used to have and you want to be near him. Maybe he'll get it. If he doesn't you must really decide if he's the one for you.
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